The Best of Alt.Folklore.Urban

Plus the Rest of AFU

Well, Actually Just My Opinion.
aka AFU Mirror Site Two-Fifty Seven

The main urban legends site, at www.urbanlegends.com, does have some AFU internal material. However, this material is increasingly dated, and I haven't seen any sign of it being updated in the near future. Therefore, I am taking it upon myself to save messages from AFU that I think capture the essence of some part of the group, and reproduce them here. So far there is nothing much.

This project was begun April 5th, 1998. Call it a sequence of tips about AFU.

Other AFU-documents available here:

1998's MOTY Handover
The AFU Installation Licence

Tip No. 1: AFU can be pedantic about anything.
Case in point: A newbie by the name of Timothy Hall got something wrong on posting, and apologised. The apology itself was roundly criticised:

Subject: Re: Appology
From: rtyler@concentric.net (Rick Tyler)
Date: Mon, 06 Apr 1998 04:50:14 GMT

On 3 Apr 1998 20:12:59 -0500, ekelly@acpub.duke.edu (Emily Kelly)
wrote:

:Timothy Hall  <thall@lexisHOOK-nexis.com> wrote:
:>
<I pasted in the complete text of Mr. Hall's apology>

:>To those who have not already put me in their kill files, if any there
:>be...
:>I was wrong, so very, very wrong. My wrongness eclipses all previous wrongness.

A nice beginning.  It effectively builds the foundation for a useful
apology.

:>I am scum. I am unfit to even lurk in this newsgroup. Surely my posts
:>should be removed from all archives and my name stricken from all
:>pilllars and papyrus scrolls in the AFU kingdom.

This is worded well, but it is severly lacking in scope.  He doesn't
accept responsibility for the entire range of ill effects of his
behavior.  In effect, by not admitting complete culpability he denies
any responsibility.  It undermines his strong opening.

:> Had I taken the time
:>to check the very dictionary I posted the URL for I would have seen
:>the error of my ways before embarassing myself, and every right
:>thinking person in this froup.

It's an apology, not apologetics.  No one cares that he might have
avoided offense, only that he was offensive.

:>I am only refraining from sepuka
:>because I am not worthy of such noble death. I am without honor. I
:>have already cut off my pinkies and will mail them to 1 AFU plaza as
:>soon as I am able to wrap them for shipping[0].

This is a nice near-recovery from his previous errors.  Unfortunately,
mispelldeing _seppuku_ throws this whole apology back into a muddle.
Besides, if he cared about his apology he would have been more careful
about spelling.

:>Please do not forgive me, I do not deserve your kindness. But pity me,
:>I have fallen into the dark abyss of Usenet-Hell, from which there is
:>no return. I can only hope that my fate will serve as a warning to others.

Asking for pity?  How dare he presume!  He clearly remains unrepetant.
Only someone who is not truly sorry would ask for pity.  Fagh on this
alleged apology.

:>Name Stricten from Post

Nice touch on the signature.

:>I have already cut off my pinkies and will mail them to 1 AFU plaza as
:>soon as I am able to wrap them for shipping[0].

If he was truly repentant he would have done it immediately.
Sincerety is everything, Hall.

:>[0] Never realized pinkies were so important.

HUMOR!?!? IN AN APOLOGY????  This person is not a member of the union,
and might never be.

:Rick?  You might want to come over here for a moment.  I think you've
:got competition. 
:
Please see comments above.  It was a nice effort for a beginner, but
it lacks the scope and sincerety of a Master Work.  I have serious
doubt that he is truly regretful.

-- Rick "I would accept him directly into the Intermediate Public
Apology class, though" Tyler

ObSpelding: He also spellde _apology_ incorrectly in the subject line.

-----------------------------------------------------
"I can 'splain it to you, but I can't understand it 
for you"     -- Lizz Holmans
+ FAQ and lore at www.urbanlegends.com +

Not once, mind you, but twice. Here's Ian "Medline Boy" York's take on the same message:

Subject: Re: Appology
From: iayork@panix.com (Ian A. York)
Date: 6 Apr 1998 10:20:47 -0400

In article <35285a81.81560430@news.concentric.net>,
Rick Tyler <rtyler@concentric.net> wrote:
>
>:Timothy Hall  <thall@lexisHOOK-nexis.com> wrote:
>:>I was wrong, so very, very wrong. My wrongness eclipses all previous 
>:>wrongness.
>
>This is worded well, but it is severly lacking in scope.  He doesn't
>accept responsibility for the entire range of ill effects of his
>behavior.  In effect, by not admitting complete culpability he denies
>any responsibility.  It undermines his strong opening.

Very true.  If you look closely, you'll also note that Mr Hall completely
avoids responsibility for the ozone layer, global warming, and the
clearcutting of the rainforest.   He says nothing about the sorry state of
today's teens, leaving us in the dark as to his true feelings about poor
education and drug abuse.  WHAT ABOUT THAT, THEN, TIMOTHY?  EH?  EH?  

And how does he feel about IRAQ?  That's what I want to know!  You sorry
about THAT, Timothy?  Come on, stop beating around the bush, man!  DO YOU
OR DO YOU NOT APOLOGIZE FOR IRAQ?  

El Nino!  What a pain in the arse that was!  Don't you think you have
something to say about that, Timothy?  A simple "I'm sorry" is not too
much to ask, is it?  Show some backbone, damnit! 

The Spanish Inquisition!  Attila the Hun!  Caligula!  Stephen Boursey! 
Catherine the Great!  Hansen!  SOMEONE owes us an apology, and by God
Timothy looks like the man for me!  Timothy, you snivelling worm, stand up
like a man, bare your breast, throw your chest out, and tell us the truth! 
Are you proud of yourself?  Just where, exactly, do you stand?  

And this heat death of the universe thing!  I've never been happy about
that!  What if I'm in the shower?  It's JUST ABOUT TIME some bastard stood
up and said, "I'm sorry about the heat death of the universe," I think!

Yrs in deep anger and dissatisfaction, 

Ian 

P.S.  Sorry.
-- 
    Ian York   (iayork@panix.com)  <http://www.panix.com/~iayork/>
    "-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a
     very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England

So let this be a lesson. Get your apologies right - or else the FAQ patrol will be after you. With some very nasty weaponry.

The Footnotes and explanations:

Two-fifty: Reference to the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe.
Seven: Didn't you hear the Governor is going to raise the Gas Tax by 7 cents?

This page by: Duncan Richer, dcr24@cam.ac.uk
Last updated: Wednesday, June 03, 1998

The Best of Alt.Folklore.Urban

Plus the Rest of AFU

Well, Actually Just My Opinion. aka AFU Mirror Site Two-Fifty Seven

Well, Actually Just My Opinion.
aka AFU Mirror Site Two-Fifty Seven