Ackanomic House Descriptions
This page is to collect the descriptions of those houses(and towers)whose description is not to be found in the Rules; those houses(and towers)that have been described by their owners. If your house(or tower)has been described but that description is not here, email it to me, or at least tell me about when in the email archives it may be found.
Houses(alphabetized by owner):
From the outside, Tamson House looks like a small brownstone building, square, with a carved oak door on the front and a couple of more plain-looking wooden doors on the sides and back(the means to opening which, however, is not evident). The front door has a knocker in the shape of an ugly-looking face with the knocker held between its teeth.
Tamson House is much larger on the inside, however, but despite this manages to remain extremely cluttered. The entryway is somewhat cramped, although there is room for up to eight people to remove their outerwear without being too uncomfortable, and adequate storage space for it all. The floor is discreetly suckered for guests' comfort, but the suckering is done in a tasteful geometric mosaic pattern.
Through the entryway is(usually)the main living room, for entertaining guests. Again, there is much clutter, and the furniture does not all match, or point the same direction, but there is ample space for several dozen people to mingle or lounge about with no crowding. Even when it is more sparsely occupied, though, it still seems cosy.
The rest of the layout of the house is highly variable. There are several hallways and doors off the living room, but they do not always lead to the same rooms, and guests can end up lost quite quickly if they do not have a guide with them. (Fortunately, the House tires quickly of such games and usually lets people arrive at their destination eventually...)
Among the other rooms which can(usually)be found in Tamson House are the library, computer room, and music room, though the contents tend to spill over into one another. The library contains a huge number of works of science fiction and fantasy, with a smattering of almost everything else, mostly arranged in alphabetical order by author, but one can tell where books have recently been removed, returned, or added. The non-fiction section includes many textbooks in physics, computing science, mathematics, and linguistics, as well as more esoteric fields; some have obviously never been touched, acquired entirely on a whim, and "because they were there".
The music room contains a similarly chaotic assortment of records, tapes, and CDs(the latter, oddly enough, in short supply), and the equipment to reproduce sounds from the same. This equipment can pipe music into the entire house, different music to each section if desired, and can be controlled from the music room or remotely from anywhere in the house.
The computer room contains a selection of different machines running different operating systems, different graphics systems, and generally capable of running all sorts of different games, but it is evident that some receive a great amount of use while others receive little, if any. A giant umbilical cord leads from the back of each into the walls of the house, where it is presumed it connects to the Source of All Good Bits. There is a space in the corner where the Machine That Goes *ping* may or may not sit, and a desk opposite it where mounds of paper accumulate, with scribblings in a variety of ink colours on a variety of topics, usually illegible to the uninitiated.
There are also more utilitarian rooms--a kitchen, which can produce a great variety of food and frink(though the availability of Right-Handed Grapefruit Juice is strictly seasonal), though it usually doesn't; various bedrooms, for guests on extended stays; and lavatory facilities. (The House, through the kindness of its heart, tends to be generous in allowing visitors to find the latter, though finding their way back again may not be so easy.)
There are also windows that face out onto the outside(though somehow they can't be seen from outside the house), and others that face onto an interior courtyard, which(if one is lucky)can be accessed from the house, though it is rarely used.
- Tamson House(owned by Alfvaen)
This is a large, rocky outcrop with a gaping black hole leading downwards. Dark clouds hover over it and a few scraggly trees sprout at its base on which can be seen the occasional parrot, trying to look menacing.
Unlike the vast majority of Ackanomic structures, it is actually smaller on the inside than it appears to be from the outside. There is only one room, a cozy cavern lit by a few stubly candles. In the middle is a big pile of Ackadollars, on which Balsamic Dragon can usually be found, curled up, answering her mail.
- Balsamic Dragon's Cave(owned by Balsamic Dragon)
A tall building, constructed out of some dark stone that always appears to be slightly damp, the first thing that strikes you is the four towers spaced evenly around the square structure one at each corner. The structure looms over the land in a disconcerting manner, making any who pass too near shudder and clutch their coats against an imagined chill. The welcome mat sitting in front of the massive door, constructed of oak and studded with brass bolts, seems oddly out of place. A massive bronze bell hangs from an iron bracket set into the stone to the left of the portal, conveniently located under a protective overhang. The more perceptive visitors will notice a series of holes in the overhang above the bell, as well as a permanent dark stain on the ground below.
The entire first floor of the house is one room. The finished white pine floor of the massive room providing a natural warm reflection of the light from the chandeliers hanging from the 30 foot ceilings. The far end of the room is dominated by a double staircase curving gracefully up to a balcony midway up the room. From this balcony one can reach any of four doors, constructed of white oak, intricately carved with scenes of ackanomia's history. The doors are as functional as they are beautiful, each one fitted with a sturdy lock to keep visitors out of the towers. Two other doors of more modest design also can be accessed from the balcony, one leading to the servants back stairs, which go up to the next floor, and down to the basement. The other door leads to the guests stairs, which lead to the next floor and the two guest rooms located there. Each of the rooms is small, but has a fireplace, a feather bed, and a small cedar chest. A night table with a large candelabra sits beside the bed, a large brass key, presumably for the door, rests on the table as well. Another room on the second floor is a cozy sitting room, a cabinet filled with fine liquor, and crystal goblets sits by one wall, and six armchairs are arranged near the fireplace. One entire wall has been converted into a bookcase filled with many fine volumes of literature. The only other door on the second floor is locked.
The servants stairs just go down to the basement/tornado shelter. It is pretty standard, but very disorganized due to its recent construction in the wake of a big (false) tornado scare. The room is functional only, not intended for stays over 24 hours, the attached wine cellar holds some interesting vintages though.
the wine cellar seems to extend past the confines of the house. One side is dusty, but well organized, the wines organized and racked by year o f production. Twards the back some large casks of beer, and a stash of components for some killer mixers have been set aside. Perhaps in preparation for a party. The other side of the cellar is a mess. Empty bottles of wine and brandy litter the floor, and each step is accompanied by the unmistakeable crunch of broken glass (hope you haave shoes) the carnage in this area look sto be the work of slakko, the legendary hoser. A short flight of stairs leads up from where the party stash is sitting. Following this brings you to the kitchen, all stainless steel and wood. It looks like a bomb went off in the kitchen, vegetables, or parts of them, litter the cutting surfaces and smears of dip mar the finish on the sink. The fridge is packed with small finger foods, party items, and a smoked salmon. A cake is in the process of being frosted in one corner of the rooo m, it looks like someone is throwing one hell of a party. On one wall a doorway leads to a ramp, that slopes gently up to the main enterance to the house. branching from this corridor another door leads to the bathroom. the far end of the kitchen door, formerly obscured by wall hangings, is now open. A long table is being assembled a few feet in front of the kitchen door, below the edge of the balcony. Several workers are busy polishing the floor and erecting a small platform at one end of the room.
- Bill the pirate king's House(owned by Bill the pirate king)
This house looks rather odd. It looks like an ALP on wheels, with a door painted SOOT grey against the lighter shade of grey of the rest of it. In the front yard stands a purple STORK holding a catchers MITT, and there is a DAM across the small stream that flows over the lawn, probably to AID in making sure the stork has fresh water. Across the lintel of the door stands the word 'VIZ' in stark black letters, and on the welcome mat, it says 'CON' instead of anything even remotely normal.
- FREEWHEEL SKI CAR (owned by Dragon Mage)
- else...if's House(owned by else...if)
A large wooden house built by a clumsy architect, it is unfit for habitation, since the asbestos disqualifies it from being liveable. Even without that, the large rat population eliminate and food discharged in the building. Anyone passing by spends days circulating the circle of a house in revolutions and turns around the rotating house.
Eris' House (owned by rSiE)
Owing to an error by the Tabulator, this house has no description.
It is green.
- Fortunato's House(owned by Fortunato)
My house is now known as "The Gingham Abode". It is made entirely out of red and white checked gingham. This means that it is aesthetically pleasing but somewhat prone to leaking in heavy rain. It is however surprisingly sturdy in strong winds. For the most part it is only about seven feet high having once been a bungalow. However, it has a twenty foot high chimney out of which thin plumes of smoke can normally seen to be coming. It also has a forty foot tower which is based on is only thin but has a full size statue of The Gingham Wearer at its peak, and just below that is a look-out tower, complete with telescopes, from where it is possible to see throughout Ackanomic and beyond into the internomic domain.
- The Gingham Abode(owned by The Gingham Wearer)
This description violates Rule 101.
- Hubert's House (owned by Hubert)
My house is a 10x10x10 meter, solid block of steel reinforced concrete (12 gauge). Regardless of its external dimensions, it has no interior. Since the workmen did a shoddy job on the foundations, however, there is a small hole underneath my house, I call this small cavity my basement. My basement is lined with black plastic on the floor and walls. The concrete ceiling has an irregular surface.
- This Place (owned by K 2)
The tower that extends from the roof of my house is also a solid block of steel reinforced concrete (10 gauge), 10x10x35 meters in dimension. It integrates seamlessly with the original block of concrete and like it, it has no interior.
Spaced vertically along the entire building, at intervals of two and a half average cat heights, are expansion joints.
On the north face of the building is a small flea sized impression.
Should anyone be currently trespassing on my property, I kick them out. I crawl into my basement and shut the black plastic.
It wants to be my home.
In the following text, norpan - Cell Block H is conveniently called nCBH.
Here is the official description of nCBH.
nCBH is a large red brick building with barred windows surrounded by a small garden.
The garden has a large wire fence and armed guards protect the outside world from the residents. There are also some shrubberies.
The following are the rooms of nCBH
The Governors Office
Here is where any resident of nCBH at any time can have a long and intriguing conversation with the Governor, who is not an Ackanomic Entity and therefore does not exist.
The Recreation Room
The residents use this room for playing cards and table tennis.
The Dining Hall
Large amounts of food are devoured in this room.
When norpan has been a Naughty Boy, this is the place for him to go.
Any visitor must sign in in the Great Book of Visitors.
Solely built for the purpose of playing Hide and Seek.
For gaining extra potential energy.
The Staff Room
The Staff of nCBH meet here, should they exist.
The Store Room
A lot of norpan's possessions are kept here.
The Boiler Room
For making booze.
The Sick Bay
When the booze has been consumed, a lot of the residents go here.
- norpan - Cell Block H(owned by norpan)
a Small green building with no remarkable features except for its orange front door.
Pandora's Folly (owned by Pandora)
Puny and has no shape, colour or form.
You wouldn't even notice it if you weren't looking very hard.
- Pandora's Box (owned by Pandora)
A huge red barn, almost the only thing in Ackanomic that's purely monomorphic. In the back a cow grazes.
- FALSE(owned by Red Barn)
'tis green. It has a distinct lack of windows. Like so many of acka buildings, it is much larger on the inside than would be expected from the outside. Nevertheless, there is not much space to move around in, as there are automobile parts (despite there being no cars in acka) and random bits of obsolete computer hardware. There is one small room, the shrine of banna, which contains a remarkably accurate scale model of the world. As would be expected, it is shaped like a banana.
- rufus's house of bits, discount junk and coffee.(owned by rufus)
A strictly rectangular building, half a kaa's width wide, half a kaa's width tall, and two Earth-lengths long, it was attached on its side due to space restrictions. Through the windows nearest the Earth can be seen mounds of books in no apparent order, on such varied topics as assembly language, the legends of the Mud People, and galactic warfare.
- Sir Galahad's House (owned by Sir Galahad)
It is a modest 4 bedroomed house, much longer than it is wide, giving the illusion of an infinitely long passageway with doors on each side, while in fact only going the length of the house. There is a flat, squashed watertower atop the house, with a remarkably familiar logo saying "SW" on it. There is a sign on the watertower saying:
- Slakko's House(owned by Slakko)
CAUTION: Manic children inside! Do not open without running film. Faint cries of "Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!" can be heard inside the tower, if you listen closely.
While its deep core is a framework of carbon buckytubes and manufactured diamond, the surface of Studge's Anachronistic Hive Palace is covered in a solidified, fire-resistant, resin with a blue-green tint (which few people know is the color, named Reuce, of decayed rules). It has many openings that look kind of like the breathing hole on an Octopus. Tennis-ball-sized wasps, are constantly entering and leaving through these holes, though they never enter the domicile inside. They live in the walls and are constantly rebuilding it, using bits of deleted rules gathered from where they lie in the streets of the city. Shaped like a Kline Bottle and floating above the ground, my home contains mysterious machines whose rumblings (which can be heard in all neighboring Kaas) warp the very fabric of space-time itself. Entry is gained from the top and the atrium's long hall leads back in time and then forward, past the current time and finally right back to the opening in the present. At the furthest point back, a portal in the hall allows access to the corpus of the building which remains in the time before Acka was created. (It is rumored by those who rumor that the machines which do this use dicarded pieces of Rule 103 (Retroactive Effects).) The outside which is seen currently, is from after the Great Thread Split.
Overall, it gives the impression of opulence, as if it belonged to someone more important than Studge in the past.
A picture of the Hive Palace is available.
- Studge's Anachronistic Hive Palace (owned by Studge)
On the outside, The Hollow Log is a fallen tree, approximately twelve (12) feet long and four (4) feet in diameter at its base. It tapers to approximately eight (8) inches in diameter at the far end. The base has been hollowed out to provide an entryway to the interior.
The inside of The Hollow Log is comprised of an infinite number of rooms jutting off an infinitely long coridor. Each room in The Hollow log is connected to all other rooms by either a doorway, the main hallway, a secret passage, or a combination of all three. Some, but not all rooms have the peculiarly bad habit of changing shape as well as contents seemingly at random. All inside doors in The Hollow Log are locked; but may be unlocked by the owner of the Hollow Log or by using the Keys to the Chalice Vault, if such manipulation is allowed by Rules. All Players of Ackanomic are welcome to visit The Hollow Log at any time, provided they bring munchies and frinks for the host.
- The Hollow Log(owned by Voting Gnome)
My house, from the outside, has a googolplex small windows about as big as loopholes (each has area equal to sine of a googolplex in square cat-heights, to be exact). Each window has the (primitive name form) palindrome "googol's log? oog!" inscribed around it in handsome, sans-serif letters. The house itself is made of hooves and cucumber (inedible, of course), although the walk up to the house is ominously made up of the bones of brass monkeys and fat ladies (as well as the dead bodies of obviously boneless steel fleas) that make a peculiar crunching sound as one walks on them. Above the door is a pentacle in which are inscribed the words: "Fo meum potest non nocere" and there is no doorknob, only a big heavy knocker on the outside. Inside, my house is always pitch black (despite the windows) and so no one, not even me, knows what it looks like.
- qGD=ewiuogh~~Sh^^wE@r!hgfd#zsxa$fdg*& T-hh_GLORK_fvh,m.qqq128616-79920 (owned by Weishaupt)
On Balsamic Dragon's Cave (35m):
This tower is really just part of the mountain in which Balsamic Dragon's cave is located. The mountain is just bigger than you remembered it.
On Slakko's House (35m):
The watertower suddenly springs to a height of 35 metres, and then is stopped by some invisible force field. One can't help but get the feeling that it could extend right to the edge of Acka, given enough time and money.
On Wild Card's House (40m):
Formed entirely out of playing cards this tower is rather a colourful experience. And there is some black in there too.
Page by: Joseph DeVincentis, Aaron Humphrey, Duncan Richer.
Last Updated Friday, July 30, 1999