resizes %s
paints %s purple and waits for the goths
plays the bagpipes at %s
+bricks %s up without a cask of Amontillado
+marries %s just so it can cheat on them
+lobs bricks at %s
+nuisance-calls %s
+belms at %s
+inserts %s into a tin of shoe polish
+thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
+court-martials %s
+suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
+demands the source code to %s
+places four beetles in $s's bed
+finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes