+employs some troubadors to sing of %s and %s throughout the land
+films %s and %s mating for a BBC nature programme
+hopes there will be a bank holiday in honour of %s and %s's wedding
+helps %s go fishing for %s
+hacks okcupid to set up %s with %s
+offers %s champagne if they'll go on a date with %s
+gives %s's phone number to %s
+woos %s on %s's behalf
+wonders what's taking %s and %s so long
+buys %s and %s matching pyjamas for Christmas
+gives %s the key to %s's chastity belt