offers %s a one way ticket to Mars
decapitates %s
slaps %s with a wet haddock
-plays the xylophone on %s 's kneecaps
+plays the xylophone on %s's kneecaps
lands a minke whale on %s
inverts %s
sends %s to Cuba
thwaps %s with IWJ's +10 rod of deprecation
buys %s a fake RAF moustache
earnestly discusses railway routing regulations with %s
+folds %s into an elaborate origami representation of a mackerel