removes all the buttons from %s's mouse
moderates %s
declares %s off-topic
-throws a custard pie at %s
fills %s's bath with ducks
parks across %s's driveway
replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
causes the Italian government to collapse and makes %s prime minister
fragments %s
disqualifies %s from the human race
+filters all the happy stories out of %s's Facebook feed
+reschedules %s onto a flight to TTD
+performs a machine-gun sonata for %s
+pushes a pineapple in a painful direction for %s
+calls for a government inquiry into %s
+decides %s deserves their own .fish domain
+shares its earworm with %s
+wishes %s would let it go
+demotes %s to Chief Whip
+accuses %s of handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
+throws shade at %s
+nominates %s for speedy deletion
+calls %s a monkey
+wishes %s would declare independence
+props %s up on bricks and steals all their wheels
+throws %s into an oubliette
+pushes %s out of a barnacle goose nest
+thinks there's something of the night about %s
+reckons %s couldn't outwit George W Bush
+gratuitously inserts punctuation into %s
+decorates %s with heavy-metal umlauts
+calls %s a pleb, then denies ever having done so
+changes %s's ringtone to "Agadoo"
+showers %s in unexpected raisins
+promises not to cancel cuts to the %s budget
+takes the sky from %s