bulldozes %s's house
clobbers %s
thinks %s is only good enough to play for Accrington Stanley
+distributes poisson in %s's direction
+poisons %s
+requests that some friendly bombs fall on %s
+prunes %s
+sends all %s's packets via Royal Mail
+tortures %s then bills them for information retrieval
+quietly converts %s into a number
+thinks %s should take up Russian roulette
+removes from %s's computer all the interfaces that Apple now consider obsolete
+shrink-wraps %s
+sends %s to a shrink
+shaves %s
+volunteers %s for a position as gladiator at the Colosseum
+freezes %s in carbonite
+applies a tramp stamp to %s
+toasts %s
+proves to a UN inspector that %s is "beyond use"
+shortens all %s's URLs
+sends %s on a snipe hunt
+removes %s from its will
+puts banana in %s's shoe
+puts a scorpion in %s's shoe
+drives too fast then claims %s was driving
+threatens to make the sky fall on %s's head
+wonders how many ships %s's face would sink
+calls %s a melon-farmer
+puts a Tesco Value Burger in %s's bed