pokes %s with a spoon
hits %s with a squeaky hammer
wonders if %s has a return-to-base warranty
-mutters darkly
+mutters darkly about %s
thwaps %s unimaginatively
staples %s to Gordon Brown's nose
-growls
+growls at %s
catapults %s over the Atlantic
replaces %s with a papier mache replica
attaches an extra three noses to %s