changes %s's password to "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
mails %s two hemispheres of plutonium and assembly instructions
makes %s a plutonium omelette
-punishment-passes %s
poisons %s's last Rolo
forces %s to model the Sarah Lund knitwear collection
leaves %s a card claiming that fish delivery was attempted but they were out
causes the Italian government to collapse and makes %s prime minister
fragments %s
disqualifies %s from the human race
+filters all the happy stories out of %s's Facebook feed
+reschedules %s onto a flight to TTD
+performs a machine-gun sonata for %s
+pushes a pineapple in a painful direction for %s
+calls for a government inquiry into %s
+decides %s deserves their own .fish domain
+shares its earworm with %s
+wishes %s would let it go
+demotes %s to Chief Whip