sends the Go Compare man to sing at %s
sets a band of Russian meerkats on %s
sends %s orienteering with only Apple Maps as a navigation aid
-blacklists %s
remixes %s into a Youtube sensation
throws a shoe at %s
feeds %s to the lampreys
shaves %s
volunteers %s for a position as gladiator at the Colosseum
freezes %s in carbonite
-applies a tramp stamp to %s
toasts %s
proves to a UN inspector that %s is "beyond use"
shortens all %s's URLs
posts %s's bottom
thinks %s has the right grasp of nuance and fact to do well in UKIP
holds a referendum on whether %s should leave #chiark
+invites Ken Livingstone to speak in defence of %s
+plays Freebird at %s
+locks %s in a room until they can play Freebird on Expert
+replaces %s's computer's startup chime with Freebird
+tests %s for bear-resistance
+calls for a referendum on %sexit
+lets loose a kea in %s's office
+dispatches an ambassador to deliver a tun of treasure to %s
+is going to have to visit Billingsgate before it can deal with %s
+slaps %s with a guppy, on the grounds that they're too insignificant to merit a bigger fish
+tests experimentally whether giant squid eat %s
+suspects %s lacks sufficient intelligence to find their way out of a Klein bottle
+replaces all of %s's music with copies of Schubert's quintet in A major for piano and strings
+trout-rolls %s
+hits %s with a frozen trout
+audits %s
+sits on %s's Jimmy Shands
+gets a toddler to shoot %s every week for 2 years
+tests whether %s dissolves in aqua regia
+marks %s's books
+reminds %s that trout means trout
+has %s impeached
+comments out %s
+decides that, from a distance, %s resembles flies
+places an elephant in %s's room
+accuses %s of violating the rule of tincture
+places %s in its basket of deplorables
+botsplains the topic to %s
+holds %s down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks
+recommends replacing %s's head
+mistakenly staples a faked-up OCSP unavailability response to %s's nose
+vents %s's spleen
+corrugates %s
+assaults %s with an organic carrot
+fills %s's NNTP server with fake news
+decides %s deserves an "alternative flirt"
+approves use of unnecessary violence in apprehension of %s
+debases %s
+papers over %s
+resolves to visit %s in the middle of the night dressed as Noseybonk
+considers %s less interesting than the rear end of a Volvo
+forces %s to shake hands with Donald Trump
+hashes %s
+threatens %s with a trout-replacement bus service
+has %s keelhauled
+makes %s pick oakum
+forces %s to work with the DUP
+slaps %s around a bit with U+1F40B
+excludes %s's middle
+throws a poo out of %s's bathroom window
+donates %s's brain to science
+converts %s into paperclips
+hijacks %s's brain for Dogecoin mining
+flattens, circularises and covers %s in cheese
+throws a cloth over %s's cage
+loses %s
+subjects %s to public inquiry
+buries %s in soft peat for three months
+sends %s a letter ordering them to leave the country ASAP
+threatens to overrule %s
+assaults %s in some inventive manner, then requests feedback on their trouting experience
+proposes the motion "This channel has no confidence in %s"
+chains %s to a block
+caches %s's thumbnails
+drops six kilotonnes of Marmite on %s
+cocks a snook at %s
+melts %s down
+deletes %s's microbiome
+sasses %s
+steals %s's mojo
+steals %s's mojito
+harshes %s's vibe
+gives %s negative-utility cake
+converts all %s's money into Botcoin
+fills %s's car with frozen iguanas
+stashes acorns throughout %s's favoured means of transport
+bowdlerises %s
+abates %s's coat of arms
+banishes %s
+hands %s a <pred> T-shirt
+tells Cambridge Analytica everything it knows about %s
+shrinks %s's head
+sets %s's snails on fire
+drops the Tsar Bomba on %s
+repeatedly emails %s about its Troutcoin ICO
+thwaps %s with IWJ's five-mile-long trout of deprecation
+offers %s support via an award-winning ITSM implementation
+forces %s to download its new trout app
+refactors %s's head
+censors %s's cake
+repeatedly violates the First Law of Robotics where %s is concerned
+sets up a virtual private trout for %s
+moves %s aside and applies gzip -9
+uuencodes %s
+trees %s
+sticks %s's genitals in a wasp nest
+attempts to cook a trout in %s's underwear
+sets up %s the bomb
+delivers unexploded ordnance to %s
+fills %s's boot with durian
+installs a Java VM inside %s's head
+shoots %s's screen
+inserts %s into a trout
+sends %s to stderr
+immerses %s in fifty thousand gallons of grout
+suggests %s draw eyes on an empty ice cream tub and wear it on their head
+sends %s an HTML-only trout
+conceals a small black hole in %s's sock drawer
+implements %s in C
+approves %s very slowly if at all
+puts a bollard up %s's sump
+resurrects its favourite trout Antonella and slaps %s with it
+plays slap bass with %s
+clips %s's wings
+sends %s on a camping trip to Isla Sorna
+sets 30-50 feral hogs loose in %s's yard
+zero-pads %s
+wraps %s in JSON
+sticks "%s" in air quotes
+shares a point with %s
+makes a one-fingered gesture at %s
+gives %s a three-fingered salute
+invites %s to climb a fish ladder
+replaces %s's keyboard with an Enigma machine
+s/%s//g
+containerises %s
+recalls %s
+folds %s into a paper bag and waits for them to organise their way out of it
+sends a fully armed battalion to remind %s of its love
+belabours %s with a 500-year-old prestigious sturgeon
+sends the fish van to visit %s
+side-loads a trout onto %s
+hires out a trout to appear on %s's Zoom call
+changes %s's name to "Salmon"
+sneaks onto %s's roof in the middle of the night and leaves an Austin Seven there
+violates international law in its treatment of %s, but only in a limited and specific way
+convinces %s that it's not a robot
+thwacks %s with a humuhumunukunukuapua'a
+places a hard customs border around %s
+asks whether %s saw the memo about using the new cover sheets on the TPS reports
+replaces %s's toothbrush with a cactus
+hires a plane to drop 35,000 fish on %s
+mints an NFT of %s, but it only fetches £1.50
+defiles the grave of %s
+throws the fishbook at %s
~matthewv / irc.git / blobdiff