shaves %s
volunteers %s for a position as gladiator at the Colosseum
freezes %s in carbonite
-applies a tramp stamp to %s
toasts %s
proves to a UN inspector that %s is "beyond use"
shortens all %s's URLs
loses %s
subjects %s to public inquiry
buries %s in soft peat for three months
+sends %s a letter ordering them to leave the country ASAP
+threatens to overrule %s
+assaults %s in some inventive manner, then requests feedback on their trouting experience
+proposes the motion "This channel has no confidence in %s"
+chains %s to a block
+caches %s's thumbnails
+drops six kilotonnes of Marmite on %s
+cocks a snook at %s
+melts %s down
+deletes %s's microbiome
+sasses %s
+steals %s's mojo
+steals %s's mojito
+harshes %s's vibe
+gives %s negative-utility cake
+converts all %s's money into Botcoin
+fills %s's car with frozen iguanas
+stashes acorns throughout %s's favoured means of transport
+bowdlerises %s
+abates %s's coat of arms
+banishes %s
+hands %s a <pred> T-shirt
+tells Cambridge Analytica everything it knows about %s
+shrinks %s's head
+sets %s's snails on fire
+drops the Tsar Bomba on %s
+repeatedly emails %s about its Troutcoin ICO
+thwaps %s with IWJ's five-mile-long trout of deprecation
+offers %s support via an award-winning ITSM implementation
+forces %s to download its new trout app
+refactors %s's head
+censors %s's cake
+repeatedly violates the First Law of Robotics where %s is concerned
+sets up a virtual private trout for %s
+moves %s aside and applies gzip -9
+uuencodes %s
+trees %s
+sticks %s's genitals in a wasp nest
+attempts to cook a trout in %s's underwear
+sets up %s the bomb
+delivers unexploded ordnance to %s
+fills %s's boot with durian
+installs a Java VM inside %s's head
+shoots %s's screen
+inserts %s into a trout
+sends %s to stderr
+immerses %s in fifty thousand gallons of grout
+suggests %s draw eyes on an empty ice cream tub and wear it on their head
+sends %s an HTML-only trout
+conceals a small black hole in %s's sock drawer