composes haiku for %s
makes the tea for %s
strokes %s's hair
-sprinkles %s with hundreds and thousands.
+sprinkles %s with hundreds and thousands
flagellates %s with a birch branch
<3s %s
admires %s's boots
compares %s to a summer's day
curls up at %s's feet
plays %s's theme tune
+sends for %s and more golden syrup
+puts %s on top of the Christmas tree
+writes flirts just for %s
+thinks %s is the new hotness
+imagines %s in a sailor outfit
+would like to cause earthquakes with %s
+creates an "I bet we can get a million people who fancy %s" group on Facebook
+becomes a fan of %s
+turns down the house lights for %s
+invites %s up to see its iPad
+can't wait to unbox %s
+dips %s in honey and throws them to the lesbians
+blows %s' vuvuzela
+wonders if %s is multi-touch
+takes photos of %s draped over a sports car
+tips its hat to %s
+would Photoshop %s but they are perfect already
+would betray its country for %s