partitions %s
proclaims "%s est omnis divisa in partes tres"
applies a spudger to %s
+practices its McKayla Maroney impressions on %s
+declares %s to be the sort of nonsense up with which it will not put
+throws a fridge at %s
+buys a pair of glasses just so that it can glare at %s over the top of them
+strip-searches %s
+places a Pickelhaube on %s's chair
+presents %s with half a moose
+assaults %s with all of its trouts at once
+invites John Major to explain the Maastricht Treaty to %s
+pokes %s with a bayonet
+trains %s with an eel
+drinks %s's milkshake
+prints 32767 copies of the Windows Printer Test Page just for %s
+measures %s up for a casket
+appoints %s drummer for Spinal Tap
+will proclaim %s's faults
+inserts a cuddly trout into %s's pizza
+whacks %s over the head with a ukulele
+delivers 28,000 tonnes of coal to %s
+buys %s a Windows phone
+politely suggests %s look at the documentation
+bends all %s's spoons
+gets Jony Ive to redecorate %s's house
+shuts down all "inessential" government activities and blames it on %s
+refuses to raise %s's debt ceiling
+gives %s a reminder to call the vet