sticks %s in a small room with Ian Paisley
rains she-trolls down upon %s
rains wheelbarrows on %s
-nominates %s for the UK Usenet Committee
hits %s with a replica of Milan cathedral
has %s transported to Botany Bay
petitions the PM to abolish %s
thous %s
puts potato eyes down %s's shirt
invites the Shame Orb to %s's party
+recommends the closure of airspace downwind of %s
+flies %s through a cloud of volcanic ash
+buggers a weasel with %s
+posts %s a bobcat
+disestablishes %s
+sets %s on fire
+creates an "I hate %s" group on Facebook
+supplements %s with a fish
+hits %s with an omega-3-supplemented fish finger
+blows a vuvuzela in %'s ear
+reads the Eye of Argon to %s
+traps %s in a lift with Steve Jobs
+pops a cap in %s's ass
+spies on %s through their webcam
+sets flying monkeys on %s
+drop-kicks %s through the goalposts of life
+throws %s's eye across a crowded room
+proves %s equivalent to the halting problem