thinks %s is comparable to iprocurement at its best
defenestrates %s
suggests %s re-installs Windows
-winders if %s has tried turning it off and then back on again
+wonders if %s has tried turning it off and then back on again
+sticks %s's head in a pig
+dices %s and jumps up and down on the bits
+reboots %s to apply patches
+erects a Faraday cage around %s
+offers %s natto
+pops up and offers %s help with their Word documents
+rains herring on %s
+throws a bucket of sprats at %s
+hurls anchovies at %s
+covers %s in eels
+migrates all %s's email to Microsoft Exchange
+puts all %s's computers behind NAT