marries %s just so it can cheat on them
lobs bricks at %s
nuisance-calls %s
-belms at %s
inserts %s into a tin of shoe polish
thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
court-martials %s
installs Windows ME on %s's computer
taxes %s
throws a triangular flapjack at %s
+burns %s's bridges
+hides %s's towel
+tells %s about Roko's Basilisk
+covers %s in bees
+sets a Mongol horde upon %s
+signs up %s for the next Christmas production in Ambridge
+gives %s a cookie
+thinks %s deserves a 21 trout salute
+pills %s
+sends %s a UKIP application form and some green ink
+berates %s for not paying road tax
+partitions %s
+proclaims "%s est omnis divisa in partes tres"