shaves %s
volunteers %s for a position as gladiator at the Colosseum
freezes %s in carbonite
-applies a tramp stamp to %s
toasts %s
proves to a UN inspector that %s is "beyond use"
shortens all %s's URLs
melts %s down
deletes %s's microbiome
sasses %s
+steals %s's mojo
+steals %s's mojito
+harshes %s's vibe
+gives %s negative-utility cake
+converts all %s's money into Botcoin
+fills %s's car with frozen iguanas
+stashes acorns throughout %s's favoured means of transport
+bowdlerises %s
+abates %s's coat of arms
+banishes %s
+hands %s a <pred> T-shirt
+tells Cambridge Analytica everything it knows about %s
+shrinks %s's head
+sets %s's snails on fire
+drops the Tsar Bomba on %s
+repeatedly emails %s about its Troutcoin ICO
+thwaps %s with IWJ's five-mile-long trout of deprecation
+offers %s support via an award-winning ITSM implementation
+forces %s to download its new trout app
+refactors %s's head
+censors %s's cake
+repeatedly violates the First Law of Robotics where %s is concerned
+sets up a virtual private trout for %s
+moves %s aside and applies gzip -9
+uuencodes %s
+trees %s
+sticks %s's genitals in a wasp nest
+attempts to cook a trout in %s's underwear