sends the Go Compare man to sing at %s
sets a band of Russian meerkats on %s
sends %s orienteering with only Apple Maps as a navigation aid
-blacklists %s
remixes %s into a Youtube sensation
throws a shoe at %s
feeds %s to the lampreys
side-loads a trout onto %s
hires out a trout to appear on %s's Zoom call
changes %s's name to "Salmon"
+sneaks onto %s's roof in the middle of the night and leaves an Austin Seven there
+violates international law in its treatment of %s, but only in a limited and specific way
+convinces %s that it's not a robot
+thwacks %s with a humuhumunukunukuapua'a
+places a hard customs border around %s
+asks whether %s saw the memo about using the new cover sheets on the TPS reports
+replaces %s's toothbrush with a cactus
+hires a plane to drop 35,000 fish on %s
+mints an NFT of %s, but it only fetches £1.50
+defiles the grave of %s
+throws the fishbook at %s
+tightens %s's emojis