orders the latest iPad for %s's birthday present
offers %s a bit of the old in-out in-out
considers %s almost as sexy as an Aston Martin DB5
+tidies %s's living room floor
+buys %s a giant rubber duck
+sets up %s with its sister
+offers %s's father one thousand camels
+makes puppy-dog eyes at %s
+has %s's enemies shot
+sends %s selfies
+%s amat
+sends %s a partridge in a pear tree
+invites %s to bathe in a bath full of rose petals
+offers %s a ride in a surrey with a fringe on top
+rents a stretched limo for its date with %s
+lusts after %s, and would be prepared to commit the other deadly sins for them
+may not have room for a Mini, but does have room for %s
+puts %s in its will
+wonders if %s is cheaper than disk space
+paints %s's nipples with cochineal
+compares %s's beauty to that of Helen of Troy
+wonders how many ships %s's face would launch
+hopes %s is highly available
+considers %s wrong but romantic
+sends % s an anonymous Valentine's Day card
+imagines %s in a nurse's uniform
+asks the pianist to play "As Time Goes By" for %s
+gives %s a cookie
+thinks %s deserves a 21 gun salute
+knocks on %s's door and asks to see their panelling
+discovers an asteroid and names it after %s