+sets blue meanies on %s
+clamps down on %s
+rot13s one of %s's files
+gives %s an opportunity to test their backups
+dumps a giant metal gorilla in %s's garden
+sticks %s in a centrifuge
+shuts %s's fingers in a door to see if it hurts
+paints %s purple
+scans %s and shreds the original
+nails %s's head to the floor
+produces an expensive Hollywood remake of %s
+puts the puritans in charge of %s's party
+leaves thumb tacks on %s's chair
+shakes %s's booty
+staples George Osborne to %s's nose
+reads poetry to %s, and then throws them out of an airlock
+waxes %s's bikini line
+sells %s to a patent troll
+autocorrects %s
+executes %s in the background
+makes juvenile jokes about %s's name
+glues Jaffa Cakes to %s's ears
+verbs some nouns just to annoy %s
+appoints Tony Blair "peace envoy" to %s
+resizes %s
+paints %s purple and waits for the goths
+plays the bagpipes at %s
+bricks %s up without a cask of Amontillado
+marries %s just so it can cheat on them
+lobs bricks at %s
+nuisance-calls %s
+belms at %s
+inserts %s into a tin of shoe polish
+thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
+court-martials %s
+suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
+demands the source code to %s
+places four beetles in $s's bed
+finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes
+drags and drops %s