+petitions the PM to abolish %s
+sneezes all over %s
+speculatively executes %s
+screams and leaps at %s
+hits %s with a cockatrice corpse
+sets %s up on a blind date with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand
+gives %s a hard stare
+neuralyzes %s
+press-gangs %s
+feeds %s fugu kimo
+sends %s on an adventure holiday organised by Weyland-Yutani
+thous %s
+puts potato eyes down %s's shirt