+gives %s and %s a box of condoms and a knowing look
+snoops on %s and %s talking qwerty to each other
+makes a romcom about %s and %s
+installs a smart mattress in %s and %s's bedroom
+accuses %s of criminal conversation with %s
+resolves to grass on rejs more often (at the instigation of %s) (but %s is their secret admirer)