+threatens to expose %s and %s's illicit affair if they don't pay up
+lends %s and %s a copy of the "Kama Sutra"
+shows drawings of %s naked to %s
+wonders if %s would be %s's deputy prime minister
+wonders when %s and %s will update their relationship status
+thinks %s and %s are almost as good together as Cameron and Clegg
+glues %s to %s
+watches %s and %s doing things that the IWF would try and ban
+tricks %s into sleeping in %s's bed
+casts %s and %s in Romeo And Juliet And Monster Trucks
+fakes love letters between %s and %s
+bubblewraps %s and invites %s to start popping