+unzips %s
+drives its tractor through %s's haystack
+wonders if %s is single or transferable
+doesn't want any alternatives to %s
+writes 'I <3 U' in weedkiller on %s's lawn
+writes about %s in popular culture
+checks out %s's arse
+shoots Ronald Reagan to impress %s
+carves %s's name into its case
+makes billions of software copies of %s to practice seducing them
+fights trolls for %s
+swims the Hellespont for %s
+"accidentally" sends %s lewd pictures of itself using Twitter
+sends %s dead plant sex organs
+wears tinsel just for %s
+puts on chrome makeup for %s
+paints Tom Jones purple for %s
+buys %s a ++Rowan Bear