+offers %s the gifts from "The Twelve Days of Christmas", all at once
+sets up a new TLD just for %s
+causes %s's wardrobe to malfunction
+wonders whether %s's deviation is standard
+promises never to trout %s
+invites %s out on an ISO-8601 date
+hopes for an expose event from %s
+sends an expose event to %s
+starts wearing purple for %s
+invites %s to wrestle in custard
+sends the CEN a press release about how %s is wonderful
+commissions Holbein to paint a portrait of %s
+would never put %s in a corner
+promotes %s to Chief Whip
+sets %s up with the second hottest person it knows
+is all about %s's bass
+borrows a thermal imaging camera in order to measure %s's hotness
+considers %s to be one of its five a day
+wonders how many insertions %s is rated for
+covers %s in baby sloths