1 covers %s in blancmange
2 jumps for joy at the thought of %s
3 offers %s a bunch of flowers
5 falls head over heels in love with %s
6 offers to take %s out for dinner
8 offers %s a Turkish Delight
9 gazes contentedly at %s
12 catches %s's eye across a crowded room
14 wonders what a nice person like %s is doing in a place like this
15 licks chocolate sauce off %s
16 gets down on one knee in front of %s
17 bats its eyelashes at %s
18 winks suggestively at %s
19 blabbers incoherently at the sight of %s
22 wonders what %s is really thinking
24 gazes mutely into %s's eyes
25 wonders if %s might reciprocate its feelings
26 whispers sweet nothings to %s
28 toasts %s with champagne
29 offers %s its last Rolo
30 invites %s up for coffee
31 promises %s a night to remember
32 invites %s in to see its etchings
33 wonders if %s is really that innocent
35 puts a rose between its teeth and tangoes seductively with %s
36 plays with its hair whilst gazing at %s
37 draws a magic circle around itself and %s
39 draws a flattering portrait of %s
40 poings happily at the sight of %s
42 brushes lint off %s's clothing
43 dims the lights for %s
44 invites %s behind the bike sheds
45 rides a tightrope on a unicycle while juggling chainsaws in an attempt to impress %s
49 sprinkles %s with hundreds and thousands
50 flagellates %s with a birch branch
53 invites %s to a candle-lit dinner
55 hopes %s packed their toothbrush!
56 showers %s in rose petals
59 gives %s a nice relaxing foot massage
60 treks through the jungle to deliver Milk Tray to %s
61 searches for a rhyme for its poem about %s
62 compares %s's eyes to stars
63 wonders whether %s comes here often?
64 compares %s to a summer's day
67 sends for %s and more golden syrup
68 puts %s on top of the Christmas tree
69 writes flirts just for %s
70 thinks %s is the new hotness
71 imagines %s in a sailor outfit
72 would like to cause earthquakes with %s
73 creates an "I bet we can get a million people who fancy %s" group on Facebook
75 turns down the house lights for %s
76 invites %s up to see its iPad
77 can't wait to unbox %s
78 dips %s in honey and throws them to the lesbians
80 wonders if %s is multi-touch
81 takes photos of %s draped over a sports car
83 would Photoshop %s but they are perfect already
84 would betray its country for %s
85 creates a dozen extra Twitter accounts just to follow %s
86 wears sexy underwear just for %s
87 is never gonna give %s up
89 spies on %s through their webcam
92 tattoos %s's name on its bottom
93 makes a backup copy of %s
94 throws itself at %s's feet
95 gets its tits out for %s
97 buys %s a revealing dress
99 posts pictures of %s to rule34.paheal.net [NWS!]
100 emails %s its favourite cat pictures
101 lends %s all its spoons
102 searches the internet for pictures of %s
103 writes to Dan Savage for tips on seducing %s
104 cross-dresses just for %s
105 buys a telephoto lens just to take pictures of %s
106 offers %s some Madeira
109 goes speed-dating with a dozen clones of %s
110 writes a webcomic about the adventures of %s
111 dresses up as Batman for %s
112 club mammoth for %s. Ug!
114 defeats all of %s's evil exes
116 thinks %s is cuter than all the My Little Ponies put together
117 would open the pod bay doors for %s
118 takes upskirt photos of %s
119 sniffs %s's underwear
120 writes thousands of lines of elisp just for %s
121 showers %s with porcelain sunflower seeds
122 creates a .xxx domain just for %s
123 hopes rule 34 applies to %s
125 drives its tractor through %s's haystack
126 wonders if %s is single or transferable
127 doesn't want any alternatives to %s
128 writes 'I <3 U' in weedkiller on %s's lawn
129 writes about %s in popular culture
131 shoots Ronald Reagan to impress %s
132 carves %s's name into its case
133 makes billions of software copies of %s to practice seducing them
135 swims the Hellespont for %s
136 "accidentally" sends %s lewd pictures of itself using Twitter
137 sends %s dead plant sex organs
138 wears tinsel just for %s
139 puts on chrome makeup for %s
140 paints Tom Jones purple for %s
141 buys %s a ++Rowan Bear
142 imagines %s in a pair of Daisy Dukes
143 wonders if %s would like to meet its sister
144 wouldn't give a ... Castlemaine XXXX for anyone but %s
145 hacks into a spy satellite just to get a better look at %s
146 buys extra disk space just for pictures of %s
148 offers %s a role in its new movie
149 resolves to grass on rejs more often (at the instigation of %s)
150 turns %s into a pillar of salt, and starts licking it
151 assists %s with onanism
152 gives %s a dutch rudder
153 posts %s a French letter
154 thinks %s could give their chair an orgasm
155 names its pipes after %s
156 binds its sockets to %s
157 calls accept(2) on %s
158 shows %s the breasts of St Agatha
159 canonizes %s so it can make erotic sculptures of them
161 paints devotional art of %s with no clothes on
163 photoshops %s into its collection of Dalek porn
164 names a Linux distribution after %s
165 brings down the Greek economy just to get %s's attention
166 thinks %s has a particularly well-designed ABI
167 checks Twitter for news about %s every few minutes
168 goes all gooey inside at the thought of %s
169 has a warm feeling about %s
170 buys %s transparent clothing
171 saves the world because it has %s in it
172 gets all starry-eyed about %s
173 would pay the ransom if %s were ever kidnapped
175 gets monumentally drunk and tells %s how it feels about them
176 nominates %s for Pope
177 buys Rockall and gives it to %s
178 thinks peace, love, and %s are the most important things in the world
179 buys %s a sand hopper
180 fills %s's sand hopper
182 admires %s's symmetry
184 wonders if %s wants to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
185 hopes that %s will get its message in a bottle
186 wonders how much %s charges for a good hard shag
187 puts a red light outside its house in the hope of attracting %s
189 affectionately nibbles %s
190 adds leap-seconds in order to spend more time with %s
192 wonders what flavour condom to buy for %s
193 slips a porn DVD into %s's sporran
194 carves a statue of %s
195 changes %s's SMS alert to an erotic moan
196 reveals the code to its safe to %s
197 works on being more classy around %s
201 invites %s to the ball
203 gives %s a blue French horn
204 puts on a french maid's outfit and cleans %s's house from top to bottom
205 puts on a french maid's outfit and cleans %s from top to bottom
207 checks %s for topological defects
209 finds %s's fixed point
211 wishes %s had a higher genus
212 tiptoes through the tulips with %s
213 asks to see %s's dance card
214 presents %s with a herd of moose
218 sneaks into %s's bedroom
219 bashfuly admits its crush on %s
220 invites %s to join it in the shower
221 constructs a safe space for %s
222 wouldn't kick %s out of bed for eating biscuits
223 buys %s a dress made of bacon
227 gets drunk to cope with %s's absence
228 founds a monarchy in order to renounce its throne for %s
229 wants to touch %s's base
232 wants to ring %s's bell
234 dedicates a sonata to %s
235 shakes its booty for %s
236 builds a giant telescope in order to spy upon %s
237 proposes naming an airport in honour of %s