To the tune of "If I Were A Rich Man" from "Fiddler on the Roof", and to be sung by Garion while a child at Faldor's farm. Some of the more exceptionally silly lyrics are due to the original songwriter, not me. :)
If I were a ruler,
Daidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.
All day long I'd sit upon my bum,
If I were the Rivan King.
Wouldn't have to scrub plates,
Daidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.
They'd all bow and say, "Your Majesty,"
I wouldn't have to do a single thing.
I'd build a big tall tower right up to the clouds
To show everybody where I lived,
Aunt Pol would have a room on the topmost floor.
And all my friends could come and play in the court,
We'd have the whole island to ourselves;
I'd never wash a teapot any more.
I'd fill my hall with swords and armour and shield,
No saucepans and kettles for us now!
Sir Rundorig would serve as my bravest knight.
And quick Doroon would sit at my right and advise me
If I was kinging well or not;
My reign would bring effulgence and delight.
If I were a ruler,
Daidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.
All day long I'd sit upon my bum,
If I were the Rivan King.
Wouldn't have to scrub plates,
Daidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.
They'd all bow and say, "Your Majesty,"
I wouldn't have to do a single thing.
I see my Queen, Zubrette, behaving as a Queen should do,
Ruling o'er our joint domain;
She can't really get in any trouble now.
I'd build a haybarn out the back of my courtyard
That we could play in now and then,
Hiding as we used to behind a cow ...
The lords and barons of the Isle will come to fawn on me.
They will ask me to advise them, just like Gorek the Wise.
"If you please, Lord Garion, pardon me, Lord Garion -"
Posing problems that would cross Belgarath's eyes.
Boi-boi-boi-boi-boi-boi-boi-boi.
And it won't make one bit of diff'rence
If I answer right or wrong.
When you're king they think you really know.
If I were king I'd give my farmers a raise
So they wouldn't have to work all day.
My kingdom would be as peaceful as a dove.
And I would tax the rich and get rid of crime
And give all my money to the poor;
My Queen and I would share our people's love.
If I were a ruler,
Daidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.
All day long I'd sit upon my bum,
If I were the Rivan King.
Wouldn't have to scrub plates,
Daidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.
Gods who made the dragon and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan -
If I were the Rivan King?