Ten Reasons why Teddy Bears are Better than People

Ten reasons why teddy bears are better than people:

10. A bear never wants to do something you don't. Conversely, if you want to do something, a bear is unlikely to object.
9. Bears don't drink your beer behind your back.
8. Bears don't leave a gungy mess of hair in the shower drain.
7. A bear will always be there waiting for you when you get home after another bitch of a day. So it might not have made the tea, but you can't expect perfection.
6. Bears are totally cool about clothing. Anything from nothing at all to extremely outrageous is acceptable.
5. You can get as comfortable as you like on the narrowest of beds with a bear, and it will never complain about being pushed out, or twisted around, or suffocated, or being too hot, or being unable to find anywhere to put its arms.
4. Bears don't complain about you snoring, and rarely snore themselves.
3. You can safely take a teddy bear home to meet your parents.
2. A bear is quite happy for you to sleep with someone else. And if it sleeps around, there's no need for anyone to feel guilty.

And finally:

1. A bear would never throw a human out of an airlock.

In fact, the biggest advantage that humans have is that teddy bears can't read maps for you when you're driving around in a strange city.

S. Arrowsmith (sa@bast.demon.co.uk), 1995
For Wendy, with much affection, and also the people who've read maps as I've driven around in strange cities.

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