% This is the `Request for Assassination' form, based on a posting by Peter
% Clay (pjc50) in ucam.chat on 2000-06-29. I suppose I should shoulder
% at least partial blame if anybody were to leave copies around places
% where hapless users might come across them, not that I'm *suggesting*
% anything evil like that... :-)
% 
% Permission for unlimited use, re-use, etc. is hereby granted. Just don't
% try to claim that it was yours...
% 
% (By the way: I humbly apologise to the more experienced TeXnicians out
% there if my LaTeX is crap. It works for me, though...)
%
% -- Ross Younger <ryounger@chiark.greenend.org.uk>, 2000-07-04.
% 
% $Id: assassinationrequest.tex,v 1.1 2004/03/02 22:43:20 wry Exp $
%
\documentclass[a4paper,11pt]{article}
\usepackage{a4,times,pifont,tabularx,fancyheadings}
\pagestyle{empty}
\setlength{\topmargin}{-2cm}
\setlength{\oddsidemargin}{-0.5cm}
\setlength{\evensidemargin}{-0.5cm}
\setlength{\topskip}{0cm}
\setlength{\textwidth}{17cm}
\setlength{\parindent}{0cm}
\setlength{\parskip}{2ex}
\addtolength{\textheight}{3cm}
\addtolength{\footskip}{-0.5cm} 
\clubpenalty10000
\widowpenalty10000
\hyphenpenalty2500
% Sort out the headings for our narcissistic footnote :-) (uses fancyheadings)
\pagestyle{fancy}
\lhead{}\chead{}\rhead{}
\lfoot{{\itshape Ref: pjc50/wry20}}
\cfoot{}\rfoot{$ $Revision: 1.1 $ $} % evil underhanded TeX hack so the revision ID is not set in Computer Modern Ugly...
\headrulewidth0pt
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% I'm lazy :-)
\newcommand{\HS}[1][1.]{\hspace{\stretch{#1}}}
\newcommand{\dbx}{{\large\ding{111}}}
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% Document begins here!
\begin{document}
{\LARGE\begin{center} REQUEST FOR ASSASSINATION \end{center}}

Name: \hrulefill\hrulefill\hrulefill\HS[.4]CRSID: \hrulefill
\vspace{1.0ex}

{\Large Reason(s) for assassination} (tick all that apply):

\begin{tabularx}{\textwidth}{Xl}
Lost Entacard more than 3 times\dotfill&\dbx\ding{115}\\
Exceeded Hermes Quota          \dotfill&\dbx\ding{105}\\
Playing Quake in Co4           \dotfill&\dbx\\
Moaning about Linux on the PWF {\footnotesize (Includes BSD)} \dotfill&\dbx\\
Feeding non-laser transparancies through  {\ttfamily cs\_co4\_lj} \dotfill&\dbx\ding{74}\\
Failure to hand in dissertation\dotfill&\dbx\\
Annoying Student Administration\dotfill&\dbx\\
Asking for inappropriate doors on Entacard  \dotfill&\dbx\ding{64}\\
Other                          \dotfill&\dbx\vspace{1.0ex}\\
(Please specify: \hrulefill)
\end{tabularx}

{\footnotesize
\begin{list}{X}{} % 'X' here is the default item label in this list
\item[\ding{115}] Please submit an additional SEVENTEEN passport photos, of
which FOUR should be of you in academic dress, SIX of your Director of
Studies, FOUR should be of Samantha Percival, and ONE EACH of Bob
Dowling, John Line and Martin Cooper. Each photo should be signed on
the reverse by the photographee, an MP, a Lutheran Minister, and a
member of Institution Liaison. (Write small.)
\item[\ding{105}] If this was as a result of a MIME attached multimedia file,
you are eligible for a 50\% discount on this service.
\item[\ding{74}] At certain times of year, an {\itshape unsupported}
alternative service, which is usually quicker, is available to users in
such circumstances.  Just explain what you have done to the angry mob
which is, by now, forming around you.  Death is usually quick and messy,
but please bear in mind that the CS is unable to make any guarantees
about quality.
\item[\ding{64}] The ``door'' in the coffee room, for example.
\end{list}}

{\Large Preferred method:}

\begin{tabularx}{\textwidth}{Xl}
Sniper fire from Great St. Mary's       \dotfill&\dbx\\
Electrocution                           \dotfill&\dbx\\
Crushing by computer
{\footnotesize(Only available to users of Sun systems)} \dotfill&\dbx\\
Cam water                               \dotfill&\dbx\\
Vivisection                             
{\footnotesize(Only available to Faculty of Medicine)} \dotfill&\dbx\\
Axe or ice-pick                         \dotfill&\dbx\ding{95}\\
Starvation in Cockroft lift \dotfill&\dbx\\
Artillery barrage                       \dotfill&\dbx\ding{89}\\
Explosive device                        \dotfill&\dbx\ding{89}\\
Other                                   \dotfill&\dbx\vspace{1ex}\\
(Please specify: \hrulefill)\vspace{1ex}\\
(Permission for non-standard methods requires the approval of Margaret Levitt: \hrulefill)
\end{tabularx}

{\footnotesize
\begin{list}{XXX}{}
\item[\ding{95}] Please secure signature of Martin Cooper: \hrulefill\hfill\ 

\item[\ding{89}] These are GROUP services, only available to recognised
departments or University clubs and societies.
\end{list}
}


Please enclose with your request FOUR recent passport photos of
yourself, \pounds94.26, a full set of fingerprints, and a damage
waiver. Please allow AT LEAST 48 hours for this service to be
performed, more at busy times such as the end of the year, and a
further hour for your death to be registered on all CS systems.

{\itshape Note: The CS DOES NOT provide life insurance. Users are advised to
make frequent backups and purchase their own flak jackets.}
\end{document}