thwaps %s with a five-mile-long spacestation
sacrifices %s to dark gods
replaces %s with a 2-line shell script
takes off and nukes %s from orbit
offers %s a one way ticket to Mars
decapitates %s
lands a minke whale on %s
inverts %s
introduces %s to their antimatter twin
lands a 10 ton weight on %s
catapults %s over the Atlantic
replaces %s with a papier mache replica
eviscerates %s with a trowel
annihilates %s
removes %s from the gene pool
plays basketball with %s's head
drops %s down a deep well
napalms %s
feeds %s to its pet dog
drops an anvil on %s from a great height
stuffs %s into a small box and nails down the lid
throws %s from the top of the Empire State Building
drops a small hydrogen bomb on %s
runs over %s with a tank
throws an explosive banana at %s
dices %s and feeds them to Ross Anderson
dissects %s in public
folds %s into an elaborate origami representation of a mackerel
hands %s a live grenade
throws %s to the lions
sacrifices %s for the greater good
smears %s in blood and waits for the sharks
clones %s and eats the original
teaches %s to think inside a very small box
calls down an airstrike upon %s
feeds %s to the all-powerful Sarlacc
sticks %s's head on a spike
breaks %s up for spare parts
boils %s up for glue
nails %s into a barrel and pushes them over Niagara Falls
douses %s in liquid nitrogen
turns %s inside-out
inflates %s and brandishes a pin
runs %s through
bricks %s up with a cask of Amontillado
lands a TARDIS on %s
turns %s into dogfood
gently taps %s with a menhir
sticks %s's head in a pig
dices %s and jumps up and down on the bits
affixes live crocodiles to %s
rains she-trolls down upon %s
rains wheelbarrows on %s
hits %s with a replica of Milan cathedral
speculatively executes %s
hits %s with a cockatrice corpse
sets %s on fire
expunges %s
slurps %s's brains out through their nose
irradiates %s
exposes %s to ebola
hollows out %s
buries %s in elephant dung
steals %s's vital bodily fluids
hides a bomb in %s's cornflakes
shivs %s
malfunctions and machine-guns %s to death
disarms %s, and then kills them anyway
removes %'s atoms
removes %'s electrons
rents %s's skull to a hermit crab
spatchcocks %s
offers %s a role in its new snuff movie
irons %s
ties %s to a sheep and then blows it up
shreds %s then recycles the evidence
curries %s
grinds %s's bones to make its bread
destroys the world because it has %s in it
steals %s's immune system
arranges for %s to be devoured in the night by gerbils
flattens %s
creates a black hole and pushes %s beyond the event horizon
reduces %s to a soup-like homogenate
deconstructs %s
sticks a deckchair up %s's nose
installs a lion on %s
sticks %s in a centrifuge
scans %s and shreds the original
reads poetry to %s, and then throws them out of an airlock
executes %s in the background
bricks %s up without a cask of Amontillado
inserts %s into a tin of shoe polish
replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
covers %s in gold paint
feeds %s to the lampreys
helps %s revoke all their biometrics
places mines beneath %s's carpets
abandons %s in the Sahara with only Mark Thatcher for company
granulates %s
poisons %s
quietly converts %s into a number
shrink-wraps %s
freezes %s in carbonite
toasts %s
sets a Mongol horde upon %s
assaults %s with all of its trouts at once
folds %s into an elaborate origami representation of nothing
eats %s
mails %s two hemispheres of plutonium and assembly instructions
makes %s a plutonium omelette
multiplies %s by zero
divides %s by zero
ditches %s's skin
fragments %s
throws %s into an oubliette
nerve-staples %s
concretizes %s
octofurcates %s
removes %s's head, shoulders, knees, and toes (knees and toes)
laminates %s
spaghettifies %s