Changes/corrections as proposed by proofreaders

diff --git a/daniel-zeichner-20150511.txt b/daniel-zeichner-20150511.txt
index 90ee16af5be2496288ebb7b8bb1f2f4518c8c9de..9eb2543f3b9696d55ce71bfbb152429842f5e3cf 100644 (file)
--- a/daniel-zeichner-20150511.txt
+++ b/daniel-zeichner-20150511.txt
@@ -1,17 +1,17 @@
-Dear Friend,
+Dear Daniel Zeichner,

 
  May I congratulate you on your recent election to the House of
 
  May I congratulate you on your recent election to the House of

-Commons; and commiserate with you that your first session will take
-place upon t he benches of the Opposition.  I hope that you will
-quickly find your feet and come to a good working relationship with
-both the other Opposition members and those of the Government.
+Commons; and express my regret that your first session will be in
+opposition.  I hope that you will quickly find your feet and come to a
+good working relationship with both the other Opposition members and
+those of the Government. 

 
 

- Looking forward I fear that there is going to be a lot of righteous
-business for you as a member of the Opposition.  Many of these issues
+ Looking forward I fear that you will be kept very busy holding the
+Government to account.  Many of the issues requiring attention

 are things that I have observed you campaigning about in the run-up to
 the election and hence I expect you need no further encouragement in
 those areas.  There are however two matters of Conservative policy
 are things that I have observed you campaigning about in the run-up to
 the election and hence I expect you need no further encouragement in
 those areas.  There are however two matters of Conservative policy

-that I would like to encourage you to support, and in which as a
+that I would like to encourage you to oppose, and in which as a

 former IT professional you may find yourself one of the more informed
 members of the opposition.  
 
 former IT professional you may find yourself one of the more informed
 members of the opposition.  
 


@@ -19,7 +19,7 @@ members of the opposition.
  Firstly there is the matter of the Communications Data Bill,
 popularly known as the "Snooper's Charter".  No sooner had the
 Conservatives been shown to have got a definite majority than Theresa
  Firstly there is the matter of the Communications Data Bill,
 popularly known as the "Snooper's Charter".  No sooner had the
 Conservatives been shown to have got a definite majority than Theresa

-May was informing the BBC that she intended to persuade this bill in
+May was informing the BBC that she intended to pursue this bill in

 the coming session.  This bill is purported to restore to the
 intelligence services capabilities that have been eroded by the
 emergence of the internet as a common communications mechanism.  This
 the coming session.  This bill is purported to restore to the
 intelligence services capabilities that have been eroded by the
 emergence of the internet as a common communications mechanism.  This


@@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ this information upon request.
 
 3. The interception power involved here is significantly stronger than
  traditional Police/Security powers to access, for instance, phone
 
 3. The interception power involved here is significantly stronger than
  traditional Police/Security powers to access, for instance, phone

- records.  he data generated through our use of services like
+ records.  The data generated through our use of services like

  Facebook, Google and Twitter tells people far more about us, it
  reveals our our tastes, preferences and social connections.
 
  Facebook, Google and Twitter tells people far more about us, it
  reveals our our tastes, preferences and social connections.
 


@@ -54,10 +54,10 @@ this information upon request.
  "envelope".  For instance if I were to visit
  https://naked-redheads.xxx/ or https://www.support-fox-hunting.org.uk/
  then it would be fairly clear what the content I was accessing was.
  "envelope".  For instance if I were to visit
  https://naked-redheads.xxx/ or https://www.support-fox-hunting.org.uk/
  then it would be fairly clear what the content I was accessing was.

- For that matter the leftmost part of a URL, after a ?, is sometimes
- used as part of the "envelope" and sometimes conveys content data
+ For that matter the rightmost part of a URL, after a ?, is sometimes
+ used as part of the "envelope" and sometimes conveys content data.

  (e.g. if I search for "who is Daniel Zeichner" then my computer will
  (e.g. if I search for "who is Daniel Zeichner" then my computer will

- make a request for https://www.google.co.uk/?q=who+is+daniel+zeichner .
+ make a request for https://www.google.co.uk/?q=who+is+daniel+zeichner )

 
 5. The procedures for accessing the data as outlined in the bill are
  very open; basically leaving it to the recognisance of the requester
 
 5. The procedures for accessing the data as outlined in the bill are
  very open; basically leaving it to the recognisance of the requester


@@ -107,9 +107,9 @@ encryption that the Security Services can't break.  It seems to me
 that there are two major objections to this policy:
 
 1. There's no such thing as a cryptographic backdoor that only one
 that there are two major objections to this policy:
 
 1. There's no such thing as a cryptographic backdoor that only one

- person knows.  There are billions of pounds spent yearly trying to
- find holes and insecurities in cryptographic systems and when such a
- thing is found it is rarely made publicly known, but instead
+ person knows.  There are hundreds of millions of pounds spent yearly
+ trying to find holes and insecurities in cryptographic systems and
+ when such a thing is found it is rarely made publicly known, but instead

  exploited by the actor who found it.  In addition if it is plausibly
  expected that a system does have a backdoor then traditional criminal
  or espionage mechanisms can be used to reveal it; such as blackmail
  exploited by the actor who found it.  In addition if it is plausibly
  expected that a system does have a backdoor then traditional criminal
  or espionage mechanisms can be used to reveal it; such as blackmail


@@ -147,6 +147,6 @@ or further information then please do contact me.  Alternatively the
 Open Rights Group have a lot of relevant information on their website
 <https://www.openrightsgroup.org/>.
 
 Open Rights Group have a lot of relevant information on their website
 <https://www.openrightsgroup.org/>.
 

- Yours in truth,
+ Yours,

 
  Jonathan Amery
 
  Jonathan Amery