X-Git-Url: http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/ucgi/~matthewv/git?p=irc.git;a=blobdiff_plain;f=trouts;h=e51249a23998f13464afc91cc540518af0ec2f42;hp=1e2913007845e6397a5802bf9ed7bfa7b1bfe779;hb=fb23ea8e95bc9af3454b1d1dddf80d4fcc37b13e;hpb=9a2d748921153d820fbc0a88a818cc217d567ef6

diff --git a/trouts b/trouts
index 1e29130..e51249a 100644
--- a/trouts
+++ b/trouts
@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
-hits %s with a wet trout.
-thwaps %s with a five-mile-long spacestation.
-sacrifices %s to dark gods.
-bites his thumb at %s.
+hits %s with a wet trout
+thwaps %s with a five-mile-long spacestation
+sacrifices %s to dark gods
+bites its thumb at %s
 replaces %s with a 2-line shell script
 takes off and nukes %s from orbit
 treats %s with the contempt they deserve
@@ -32,14 +32,14 @@ annihilates %s
 wonders what God was thinking of when He made %s
 removes %s from the gene pool
 performs a lube-less rectal on %s
-uses %s to practice his orthopedic surgery on
+uses %s to practice its orthopedic surgery on
 thinks %s would make excellent road-kill
 plays basketball with %s's head
 drops %s down a deep well
 covers %s in blancmange
 napalms %s
 finds %s particularly irksome
-feeds %s to his pet dog
+feeds %s to its pet dog
 reminds %s that life is not a game of Nethack
 thinks that %s would give a cannibal nausea
 wonders if %s is ever going to become a swan
@@ -95,27 +95,120 @@ throws a cat at %s
 kidnaps %s and fills their shoes with custard
 plays Britney Spears songs at %s
 fills %s's ears with butter
-inverts %s
 throws %s to the lions
 sacrifices %s for the greater good
-patents %s's genome.
-covers %s in attack hamsters.
-brandishes a spoon at %s.
-searches %s for weapons of mass destruction.
-smears %s in blood and waits for the sharks.
-cackles malevolently at %s.
-clones %s and eats the original.
-teaches %s to think inside a very small box.
-looms at %s.
-calls down an airstrike upon %s.
-feeds %s to the all-powerful Sarlacc.
-affixes live crocodile clips to %s.
-causes %s to have acute razor burn.
-places the fleas of a thousand camels in %s's armpit.
-sticks %s's head on a spike.
+patents %s's genome
+covers %s in attack hamsters
+brandishes a spoon at %s
+searches %s for weapons of mass destruction
+smears %s in blood and waits for the sharks
+cackles malevolently at %s
+clones %s and eats the original
+teaches %s to think inside a very small box
+looms at %s
+calls down an airstrike upon %s
+feeds %s to the all-powerful Sarlacc
+affixes live crocodile clips to %s
+causes %s to have acute razor burn
+places the fleas of a thousand camels in %s's armpit
+sticks %s's head on a spike
 brings %s's haddock to paddock
 breaks %s up for spare parts
 tags %s as 'wontfix'
 tags %s as 'obsolete'
 boils %s up for glue
 nails %s into a barrel and pushes them over Niagara Falls
+accuses %s of losing The Game
+douses %s in liquid nitrogen
+turns %s inside-out
+paints %s red and waits for the bulls
+signs %s up for a Scientology course
+shrieks hysterically at %s
+declares %s an unlawful combatant
+vetoes %s
+rubs bubblegum in %s's hair
+steals all %s's coffee
+heckles %s
+inflates %s and brandishes a pin
+thinks %s is worse than Microsoft Windows
+wonders why %s bothered getting out of bed today
+trolls %s
+runs %s through
+plays the harmonica at %s
+bricks %s up with a cask of Amontillado
+lands a TARDIS on %s
+practises acupuncture on %s
+rugby-tackles %s to the ground
+passes %s the underpants of shame
+removes %s's willy with a chainsaw
+throws a custard pie at %s
+violates %s's mind (and body) with the Necronomicon
+applies TCP_CORK to %s
+performs a capsaicin enema upon %s
+rejects %s in favour of the null hypothesis
+makes %s illegal
+compiles %s with -trigraphs
+compiles %s with -Wtrigraphs
+turns %s into dogfood
+><> ><> %s
+gently taps %s with a menhir
+invests all of %s's money in a high-grade structured credit strategy enhanced leverage fund
+plays the viola at %s
+thinks %s is comparable to iprocurement at its best
+defenestrates %s
+suggests %s re-installs Windows
+wonders if %s has tried turning it off and then back on again
+sticks %s's head in a pig
+dices %s and jumps up and down on the bits
+reboots %s to apply patches
+erects a Faraday cage around %s
+offers %s natto
+pops up and offers %s help with their Word documents
+rains herring on %s
+throws a bucket of sprats at %s
+hurls anchovies at %s
+covers %s in eels
+migrates all %s's email to Microsoft Exchange
+puts all %s's computers behind NAT
+punches %s
+affixes live crocodiles to %s
+tortures %s with the collected bad puns of #chiark
+signs %s up for the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation choir
+deports %s
+thinks %s is even less relevant than Nick Clegg
+forces %s to listen to David Cameron's speeches
+sticks %s in a small room with Ian Paisley
+rains she-trolls down upon %s
+rains wheelbarrows on %s
+hits %s with a replica of Milan cathedral
+has %s transported to Botany Bay
+petitions the PM to abolish %s
+sneezes all over %s
+speculatively executes %s
+screams and leaps at %s
+hits %s with a cockatrice corpse
+sets %s up on a blind date with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand
+gives %s a hard stare
+neuralyzes %s
+press-gangs %s
+feeds %s fugu kimo
+sends %s on an adventure holiday organised by Weyland-Yutani
+thous %s
+puts potato eyes down %s's shirt
+invites the Shame Orb to %s's party
+recommends the closure of airspace downwind of %s
+flies %s through a cloud of volcanic ash
+buggers a weasel with %s
+posts %s a bobcat
+disestablishes %s
+sets %s on fire
+creates an "I hate %s" group on Facebook
+supplements %s with a fish
+hits %s with an omega-3-supplemented fish finger
+blows a vuvuzela in %'s ear
+reads the Eye of Argon to %s
+traps %s in a lift with Steve Jobs
+pops a cap in %s's ass
+spies on %s through their webcam
+sets flying monkeys on %s
+drop-kicks %s through the goalposts of life