X-Git-Url: http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/ucgi/~matthewv/git?p=irc.git;a=blobdiff_plain;f=trouts;h=98cdee867a919c49021119a6ff93fd144efa4eb0;hp=de56fe1f02bff0d85ac2899f4931c15a6d6424fe;hb=fa81bb54cbbb1fe8b9c6e5e35826c3d28f191fbd;hpb=cb6bd27de8170bb283feafb01c23bcf9373153b0

diff --git a/trouts b/trouts
index de56fe1..98cdee8 100644
--- a/trouts
+++ b/trouts
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ pulls a moonie at %s
 throws %s a bone
 invites %s to go jump
 throws jelly at %s
-throws %s from the top of the empire state building
+throws %s from the top of the Empire State Building
 drops a small hydrogen bomb on %s
 curses %s unto the seventh generation
 asks if %s is a man or a mouse
@@ -207,7 +207,7 @@ supplements %s with a fish
 hits %s with an omega-3-supplemented fish finger
 blows a vuvuzela in %'s ear
 reads the Eye of Argon to %s
-traps %s in a lift with Steve Jobs
+traps %s in a lift with Alan Sugar
 pops a cap in %s's ass
 spies on %s through their webcam
 sets flying monkeys on %s
@@ -291,3 +291,182 @@ steals %s's name
 spatchcocks %s
 offers %s a role in its new snuff movie
 fills %s's schedule with pointless meetings
+whispers sweet business jargon in %s's ear
+steals %s's underwear and ebays it
+doesn't see a great need for %s
+edits %s's pants
+posts %s a French letter (used)
+substitutes a Trabant for %s's usual transport
+abolishes %s's human rights
+offers %s the job of Home Secretary
+attacks %s with Ewoks
+irons %s
+runs %s over with a SIGBUS
+ties %s to a sheep and then blows it up
+ties %s to a sheep
+locks %s in a room with a bottle of whisky and a loaded pistol
+beats %s with a SIGPIPE
+excommunicates %s
+anathematizes %s
+releases woodworm into %s's library
+releases Vashta Nerada into %s's library
+shreds %s then recycles the evidence
+sells %s second-hand. For cash
+curries %s
+grinds %s's bones to make its bread
+airbrushes %s out of history
+replaces %s's files with XML
+tases %s
+munmaps %s
+puts a daily "kill %s" event into its calendar
+slights %s
+destroys the world because it has %s in it
+thinks %s fills a much-needed gap
+attempts to underestimate %s but fails
+circulates a pamphlet traducing %s
+fits up %s for the murder of someone photogenic
+scales %s down
+steals %s's immune system
+moves %s's home directory to a tmpfs
+uses %s as a scratch monkey
+denies %s three times
+casually pepper-sprays %s
+sticks an orange on %s's head
+sings the Free Software Song to %s
+immerses %s in Coca Cola
+presents %s with half a mouse
+blames %s for the latest trout
+arranges for %s to be devoured in the night by gerbils
+flattens %s
+bites %s
+nationalises %s
+renormalises %s
+accuses %s of witchcraft
+turns %s into a newt
+signs %s up for bulk fish delivery
+picks %s's low-hanging fruit
+installs Rick Santorum in %s's bedroom
+makes it known that the prime minister has "full confidence" in %s
+collides a large haddock with %s
+attacks %s with a banana
+scraps %s
+rackmounts %s
+assaults %s with Margaret Thatcher's handbag
+LARTs %s
+bustitutes %s
+downgrades %s's A-level results
+forces %s to walk the plank
+maroons %s on a desert island with only eight records and a useless luxury object for company
+creates a black hole and pushes %s beyond the event horizon
+shoves a giant picture of Jimmy Wales in %s's face
+pays The Who to follow %s around
+liquidizes %s's assets
+reduces %s to a soup-like homogenate
+asks Vladimir Putin to deal with %s
+thinks up Culture ship names based on %s's love life
+thinks up Culture ship names based on %s's investment strategy
+deconstructs %s
+attributes photos of Greek antiquities to %s and informs the Hellenic Ministry of Culture
+edits all %s's trouts to make them funny
+steals %s's shoes
+ties %s's shoelaces together
+compares %s to a winter's day
+forces %s to wear Princess Beatrice's hat
+sticks a deckchair up %s's nose
+places a PIX between %s and the rest of the world
+sends a person from Porlock to disturb %s
+sends an albatross to disturb %s
+ebays %s, but the reserve is not met
+cancels %s's show
+unleashes a swarm of hungry midges upon %s
+accuses %s of infringing its patents
+installs a lion on %s
+recites Vogon poetry to %s
+suggests that %s sodomise a stegosaurus
+immerses %s's internet connection in treacle
+claps %s in irons
+boxes %s's ears
+dyes %s pink
+performs a citizen's arrest upon %s
+declares %s the weakest link
+declares %s the missing link
+swives %s and bombs the consequences
+drops an F-bomb on %s
+confiscates %s's property and hands it over to SOCA
+sets blue meanies on %s
+clamps down on %s
+rot13s one of %s's files
+gives %s an opportunity to test their backups
+dumps a giant metal gorilla in %s's garden
+sticks %s in a centrifuge
+shuts %s's fingers in a door to see if it hurts
+paints %s purple
+scans %s and shreds the original
+nails %s's head to the floor
+produces an expensive Hollywood remake of %s
+puts the puritans in charge of %s's party
+leaves thumb tacks on %s's chair
+shakes %s's booty
+staples George Osborne to %s's nose
+reads poetry to %s, and then throws them out of an airlock
+waxes %s's bikini line
+sells %s to a patent troll
+autocorrects %s
+executes %s in the background
+makes juvenile jokes about %s's name
+glues Jaffa Cakes to %s's ears
+verbs some nouns just to annoy %s
+appoints Tony Blair "peace envoy" to %s
+resizes %s
+paints %s purple and waits for the goths
+plays the bagpipes at %s
+bricks %s up without a cask of Amontillado
+marries %s just so it can cheat on them
+lobs bricks at %s
+nuisance-calls %s
+belms at %s
+inserts %s into a tin of shoe polish
+thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
+court-martials %s
+suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
+demands the source code to %s
+places four beetles in $s's bed
+finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes
+drags and drops %s
+sets the vermicious knids on %s
+bashes %s
+bites %s's neck
+puts jam in %s's printer
+delivers seven thousand octopuses to %s
+removes all the buttons from %s's mouse
+moderates %s
+declares %s off-topic
+throws a custard pie at %s
+fills %s's bath with ducks
+parks across %s's driveway
+replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
+waits until late Friday and then cancels %s's weekend
+perforates %s's umbrella
+flips %s the bird
+turns half of %s's USB sockets upside-down
+wishes %s's redshift were higher
+gives %s a CD of Richard Stallman's greatest hits
+gets %s to serve breakfast to Richard Stallman
+invites %s to go forth and multiply, but not in a nice way
+/ignores %s
+frustrates %s's knavish tricks
+confounds %s's politics
+indents %s
+disperses %s
+smashes %s's best china
+awards %s the wooden spoon
+pops up and insists %s accept its cookies
+glues %s to the ceiling
+refills all %s's pens with green ink
+puts %s into Room 101
+attacks %s with a pointed stick
+covers %s in gold paint
+sets TV Licensing on %s
+appends the EICAR test file to all %s's emails
+thinks %s should seek asylum in Ecuador
+thinks %s should seek an asylum in Ecuador