X-Git-Url: http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/ucgi/~matthewv/git?p=irc.git;a=blobdiff_plain;f=trouts;h=7fdb9d4605f05b99b96d6d8283ee9c56251c8522;hp=86c2758aacb817465ac463af8e6eeabe0751fdac;hb=f5baf639118dfd005d45342c2234a081a4c4dc1e;hpb=ecd020c0e1e220b59875b2d741c2f3867447bcd3

diff --git a/trouts b/trouts
index 86c2758..7fdb9d4 100644
--- a/trouts
+++ b/trouts
@@ -429,7 +429,7 @@ thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
 court-martials %s
 suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
 demands the source code to %s
-places four beetles in $s's bed
+places four beetles in %s's bed
 finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes
 drags and drops %s
 sets the vermicious knids on %s
@@ -440,7 +440,6 @@ delivers seven thousand octopuses to %s
 removes all the buttons from %s's mouse
 moderates %s
 declares %s off-topic
-throws a custard pie at %s
 fills %s's bath with ducks
 parks across %s's driveway
 replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
@@ -601,7 +600,6 @@ replaces the GUI on %s's smartphone with a CLI
 changes %s's password to "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
 mails %s two hemispheres of plutonium and assembly instructions
 makes %s a plutonium omelette
-punishment-passes %s
 poisons %s's last Rolo
 forces %s to model the Sarah Lund knitwear collection
 leaves %s a card claiming that fish delivery was attempted but they were out
@@ -610,10 +608,124 @@ causes %s's wardrobe to malfunction
 multiplies %s by zero
 divides %s by zero
 declares %s to be illegal, unworkable, and counter productive
-grudgingly conceeds that %s is not as bad as NFS
+grudgingly concedes that %s is not as bad as NFS
 causes "eaten by wolves" to appear on %s's screen
 makes kittens illegal just to annoy %s
 books the WBC to protest %s's funeral
 ditches %s's skin
 wonders whether to bother stunning %s
 slave-chips %s
+deposes %s
+gives %s a Brazilian
+deletes %s unread
+sticks a ferret up %s's nose
+buys %s a copy of a Louise Bagshawe novel
+fails to exterminate %s, then blames them for moving the goalposts
+causes the Italian government to collapse and makes %s prime minister
+fragments %s
+disqualifies %s from the human race
+filters all the happy stories out of %s's Facebook feed
+reschedules %s onto a flight to TTD
+performs a machine-gun sonata for %s
+pushes a pineapple in a painful direction for %s
+calls for a government inquiry into %s
+decides %s deserves their own .fish domain
+shares its earworm with %s
+wishes %s would let it go
+demotes %s to Chief Whip
+accuses %s of handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
+throws shade at %s
+nominates %s for speedy deletion
+calls %s a monkey
+wishes %s would declare independence
+props %s up on bricks and steals all their wheels
+throws %s into an oubliette
+pushes %s out of a barnacle goose nest
+thinks there's something of the night about %s
+reckons %s couldn't outwit George W Bush
+gratuitously inserts punctuation into %s
+decorates %s with heavy-metal umlauts
+calls %s a pleb, then denies ever having done so
+changes %s's ringtone to "Agadoo"
+showers %s in unexpected raisins
+promises not to cancel cuts to the %s budget
+takes the sky from %s
+nerve-staples %s
+distims %s's doshes
+claims to be offended by %s and asks them to hide in a corner under a tablecloth
+trims %s
+sends %s an AOL CD
+crimps %s's bottom
+offers %s sartorial tips from Michael Portillo
+nominates %s for seedy depletion
+serves inferior fish to %s
+concretizes %s
+octofurcates %s
+thwaps %s with a SuperFish
+wheelclamps %s
+dumps a statue of Margaret Thatcher on %s's doorstep
+sends %s driving through Argentina in a car with an offensive numberplate
+changes %s's password to 'dQw4w9WgXcQ'
+marks %s "con sordino"
+goes to Buckingham Palace to request that %s be dissolved
+removes %s's head, shoulders, knees, and toes (knees and toes)
+kippers %s
+notes that %s almost makes XML look good
+breaks up %s's favourite band
+does that thing %s hates
+replaces %s with the phrase 'fart fart fart'
+outsources trouting %s to Capita
+laminates %s
+sends %s to trout camp
+thinks %s's website is best viewed in lynx
+migrates %s's broadband to TalkTalk
+blames %s for the next trout
+spaghettifies %s
+changes %s's phone number to an illegal prime number
+assaults %s with a double bass
+assaults %s with a single bass
+"peacefully liberates" %s
+shears %s
+attacks %s with a salmon cannon
+outsources %s's brain to #chiark
+apologizes for the inconvenience caused by %s
+operates a %s-free environment, for your comfort and convenience
+tars %s
+requires %s to submit all their requests for trouts through the service desk
+rot13s %s's wibbly bits
+rearranges all the cards in %s's wallet
+forces %s to revoke all their biometrics
+writes an essay entitled "%s Considered Harmful"
+gives %s a five-second head start then releases the hounds
+adds trouting %s to its service catalogue
+adds snitching on %s to its service catalogue
+follows %s around tolling a bell and crying 'Shame!'
+cancels %s's favorite show, 3/4 of the way through the second season
+hits %s so hard that LIGO notices
+insults %s using the medium of interpretive dance
+comes out of its well to shame %s
+steals %s's skull
+beats %s to death with their own bloody femurs
+kicks %s down some hard stairs
+minimises %s
+deliberately misaddresses %s
+redirects all %s's Wikipedia requests to Conservapedia
+substitutes a Class 99 for %s's expected train service
+sends all %s's coffee to Germany
+thinks %s should resign from UKIP
+spiralizes %s
+hands %s an ominously ticking box
+breaks up the PLP to get rid of %s
+has the decency to stab %s in the front
+comes to the conclusion that %s can not do the job of prime minister
+builds a high wall around %s, then invoices them for construction costs
+posts %s's top
+posts %s's bottom
+thinks %s has the right grasp of nuance and fact to do well in UKIP
+holds a referendum on whether %s should leave #chiark
+invites Ken Livingstone to speak in defence of %s
+plays Freebird at %s
+locks %s in a room until they can play Freebird on Expert
+replaces %s's computer's startup chime with Freebird
+tests %s for bear-resistance
+calls for a referendum on %sexit