X-Git-Url: http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/ucgi/~matthewv/git?p=irc.git;a=blobdiff_plain;f=trouts;h=13191cc52078dab1b673f16f66c7628a1376693c;hp=df91af492dbc27026be12efca683b3739ac9eba7;hb=7a63204676c57d19c99d80a42e31b85f8f30b88e;hpb=5d77dd2ebfa29317892e0d36476922dfa19692ab

diff --git a/trouts b/trouts
old mode 100755
new mode 100644
index df91af4..13191cc
--- a/trouts
+++ b/trouts
@@ -207,7 +207,7 @@ supplements %s with a fish
 hits %s with an omega-3-supplemented fish finger
 blows a vuvuzela in %'s ear
 reads the Eye of Argon to %s
-traps %s in a lift with Steve Jobs
+traps %s in a lift with Alan Sugar
 pops a cap in %s's ass
 spies on %s through their webcam
 sets flying monkeys on %s
@@ -280,3 +280,98 @@ sends %s a SIGINT
 sends %s a SIGKILL
 rents %s's skull to a hermit crab
 unleashes 500 bears on %s
+inserts #! into %s's URL
+reimplements %s in JavaScript
+betrays %s
+disproves %s
+goes to war with %s
+declines %s
+explains the joke to %s at great length
+steals %s's name
+spatchcocks %s
+offers %s a role in its new snuff movie
+fills %s's schedule with pointless meetings
+whispers sweet business jargon in %s's ear
+steals %s's underwear and ebays it
+doesn't see a great need for %s
+edits %s's pants
+posts %s a French letter (used)
+substitutes a Trabant for %s's usual transport
+abolishes %s's human rights
+offers %s the job of Home Secretary
+attacks %s with Ewoks
+irons %s
+runs %s over with a SIGBUS
+ties %s to a sheep and then blows it up
+ties %s to a sheep
+locks %s in a room with a bottle of whisky and a loaded pistol
+beats %s with a SIGPIPE
+excommunicates %s
+anathematizes %s
+releases woodworm into %s's library
+releases Vashta Nerada into %s's library
+shreds %s then recycles the evidence
+sells %s second-hand. For cash
+curries %s
+grinds %s's bones to make its bread
+airbrushes %s out of history
+replaces %s's files with XML
+tases %s
+munmaps %s
+puts a daily "kill %s" event into its calendar
+slights %s
+destroys the world because it has %s in it
+thinks %s fills a much-needed gap
+attempts to underestimate %s but fails
+circulates a pamphlet traducing %s
+fits up %s for the murder of someone photogenic
+scales %s down
+steals %s's immune system
+moves %s's home directory to a tmpfs
+uses %s as a scratch monkey
+denies %s three times
+casually pepper-sprays %s
+sticks an orange on %s's head
+sings the Free Software Song to %s
+immerses %s in Coca Cola
+presents %s with half a mouse
+blames %s for the latest trout
+arranges for %s to be devoured in the night by gerbils
+flattens %s
+bites %s
+nationalises %s
+renormalises %s
+accuses %s of witchcraft
+turns %s into a newt
+signs %s up for bulk fish delivery
+picks %s's low-hanging fruit
+installs Rick Santorum in %s's bedroom
+makes it known that the prime minister has "full confidence" in %s
+collides a large haddock with %s
+attacks %s with a banana
+scraps %s
+rackmounts %s
+assaults %s with Margaret Thatcher's handbag
+LARTs %s
+bustitutes %s
+downgrades %s's A-level results
+forces %s to walk the plank
+maroons %s on a desert island with only eight records and a useless luxury object for company
+creates a black hole and pushes %s beyond the event horizon
+shoves a giant picture of Jimmy Wales in %s's face
+pays The Who to follow %s around
+liquidizes %s's assets
+reduces %s to a soup-like homogenate
+asks Vladimir Putin to deal with %s
+thinks up Culture ship names based on %s's love life
+thinks up Culture ship names based on %s's investment strategy
+deconstructs %s
+attributes photos of Greek antiquities to %s and informs the Hellenic Ministry of Culture
+edits all %s's trouts to make them funny
+steals %s's shoes
+ties %s's shoelaces together
+compares %s to a winter's day
+forces %s to wear Princess Beatrice's hat
+sticks a deckchair up %s's nose
+places a PIX between %s and the rest of the world
+sends a person from Porlock to disturb %s