throws %s a bone
invites %s to go jump
throws jelly at %s
-throws %s from the top of the empire state building
+throws %s from the top of the Empire State Building
drops a small hydrogen bomb on %s
curses %s unto the seventh generation
asks if %s is a man or a mouse
appoints Tony Blair "peace envoy" to %s
resizes %s
paints %s purple and waits for the goths
+plays the bagpipes at %s
+bricks %s up without a cask of Amontillado
+marries %s just so it can cheat on them
+lobs bricks at %s
+nuisance-calls %s
+inserts %s into a tin of shoe polish
+thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
+court-martials %s
+suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
+demands the source code to %s
+places four beetles in $s's bed
+finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes
+drags and drops %s
+sets the vermicious knids on %s
+bashes %s
+bites %s's neck
+puts jam in %s's printer
+delivers seven thousand octopuses to %s
+removes all the buttons from %s's mouse
+moderates %s
+declares %s off-topic
+fills %s's bath with ducks
+parks across %s's driveway
+replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
+waits until late Friday and then cancels %s's weekend
+perforates %s's umbrella
+flips %s the bird
+turns half of %s's USB sockets upside-down
+wishes %s's redshift were higher
+gives %s a CD of Richard Stallman's greatest hits
+gets %s to serve breakfast to Richard Stallman
+invites %s to go forth and multiply, but not in a nice way
+/ignores %s
+frustrates %s's knavish tricks
+confounds %s's politics
+indents %s
+disperses %s
+smashes %s's best china
+awards %s the wooden spoon
+pops up and insists %s accept its cookies
+glues %s to the ceiling
+refills all %s's pens with green ink
+puts %s into Room 101
+attacks %s with a pointed stick
+covers %s in gold paint
+sets TV Licensing on %s
+appends the EICAR test file to all %s's emails
+thinks %s should seek asylum in Ecuador
+thinks %s should seek an asylum in Ecuador
+thinks %s is only good enough to play for Accrington Stanley
+decommissions %s
+brings %s the head of Alfredo Garcia
+sends the Go Compare man to sing at %s
+sets a band of Russian meerkats on %s
+sends %s orienteering with only Apple Maps as a navigation aid
+blacklists %s
+remixes %s into a Youtube sensation
+throws a shoe at %s
+feeds %s to the lampreys
+feeds a surfeit of lampreys to %s
+invites %s to consider the reply given in Arkell vs Pressdram
+helps %s revoke all their biometrics
+paints %s's buttocks blue
+classifies %s as spam
+trades in %s for a younger model
+wonders if there's a cash incentive for scrapping %s
+threatens to leave the country if %s wins the next election
+invades %s's personal space
+sticks %s in a cloud
+thinks %s wouldn't need to dress up for Hallowe'en
+places mines beneath %s's carpets
+demands to see %s's birth certificate
+detunes %s
+dips %s in engine oil and throws them to the robo-lesbians
+abandons %s in the Sahara with only Mark Thatcher for company
+accuses %s of piracy, murder, rape, sodomy and incest, but suppresses the more serious charges
+cuts and pastes %s
+plays the birdie song to %s for a couple of weeks
+mutes %s
+misgenders %s
+granulates %s
+removes %s from its Christmas card list
+bulldozes %s's house
+clobbers %s
+distributes poisson in %s's direction
+poisons %s
+requests that some friendly bombs fall on %s
+prunes %s
+sends all %s's packets via Royal Mail
+tortures %s then bills them for information retrieval
+quietly converts %s into a number
+thinks %s should take up Russian roulette
+removes from %s's computer all the interfaces that Apple now consider obsolete
+shrink-wraps %s
+sends %s to a shrink
+shaves %s
+volunteers %s for a position as gladiator at the Colosseum
+freezes %s in carbonite
+applies a tramp stamp to %s
+toasts %s
+proves to a UN inspector that %s is "beyond use"
+shortens all %s's URLs
+sends %s on a snipe hunt
+removes %s from its will
+puts banana in %s's shoe
+puts a scorpion in %s's shoe
+drives too fast then claims %s was driving
+threatens to make the sky fall on %s's head
+wonders how many ships %s's face would sink
+calls %s a melon-farmer
+puts a Tesco Value Burger in %s's bed
+considers %s right but repulsive
+kicks %s's ass
+reads the comments to %s
+undefines %s
+pixelates %s
+puts a tarantula in %s's bath
+invites the Blame Cube to %s's party
+dusts %s
+installs Windows Vista on %s's computer
+installs Windows ME on %s's computer
+taxes %s
+throws a triangular flapjack at %s
+burns %s's bridges
+hides %s's towel
+tells %s about Roko's Basilisk
+covers %s in bees
+sets a Mongol horde upon %s
+signs up %s for the next Christmas production in Ambridge
+gives %s a cookie
+thinks %s deserves a 21 trout salute
+pills %s
+sends %s a UKIP application form and some green ink
+berates %s for not paying road tax
+partitions %s
+proclaims "%s est omnis divisa in partes tres"
+applies a spudger to %s
+practices its McKayla Maroney impressions on %s
+declares %s to be the sort of nonsense up with which it will not put
+throws a fridge at %s
+buys a pair of glasses just so that it can glare at %s over the top of them
+strip-searches %s
+places a Pickelhaube on %s's chair
+presents %s with half a moose
+assaults %s with all of its trouts at once
+invites John Major to explain the Maastricht Treaty to %s
+pokes %s with a bayonet
+trains %s with an eel
+drinks %s's milkshake
+prints 32767 copies of the Windows Printer Test Page just for %s
+measures %s up for a casket
+appoints %s drummer for Spinal Tap
+will proclaim %s's faults
+inserts a cuddly trout into %s's pizza
+whacks %s over the head with a ukulele
+delivers 28,000 tonnes of coal to %s
+buys %s a Windows phone
+politely suggests %s look at the documentation
+bends all %s's spoons
+gets Jony Ive to redecorate %s's house
+shuts down all "inessential" government activities and blames it on %s
+refuses to raise %s's debt ceiling
+gives %s a reminder to call the vet
+stores %s in a cool dark place, away from strong odours
+compares %s to the null trout
+folds %s into an elaborate origami representation of nothing
+discovers that %s cannot be repaired using common workshop tools
+decides that %s's genitalia would not be much use as a trout
+cleans %s's clock
+asks %s to quit their jibber-jabber
+sets %s's sticky bit
+eats %s
+drives round in a van telling %s to go home
+darns %s
+refers the castration of %s with a bread-knife to the ethics committee, then ignores their verdict
+thinks %s couldn't fool Baldrick
+believes %s is only half witty
+replaces the GUI on %s's smartphone with a CLI
+changes %s's password to "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
+mails %s two hemispheres of plutonium and assembly instructions
+makes %s a plutonium omelette
+poisons %s's last Rolo
+forces %s to model the Sarah Lund knitwear collection
+leaves %s a card claiming that fish delivery was attempted but they were out
+optimises %s to a NOP
+causes %s's wardrobe to malfunction
+multiplies %s by zero
+divides %s by zero
+declares %s to be illegal, unworkable, and counter productive
+grudgingly conceeds that %s is not as bad as NFS
+causes "eaten by wolves" to appear on %s's screen
+makes kittens illegal just to annoy %s
+books the WBC to protest %s's funeral
+ditches %s's skin
+wonders whether to bother stunning %s
+slave-chips %s
+deposes %s
+gives %s a Brazilian
+deletes %s unread
+sticks a ferret up %s's nose
+buys %s a copy of a Louise Bagshawe novel
+fails to exterminate %s, then blames them for moving the goalposts
+causes the Italian government to collapse and makes %s prime minister
+fragments %s
+disqualifies %s from the human race
+filters all the happy stories out of %s's Facebook feed
+reschedules %s onto a flight to TTD
+performs a machine-gun sonata for %s
+pushes a pineapple in a painful direction for %s
+calls for a government inquiry into %s
+decides %s deserves their own .fish domain
+shares its earworm with %s
+wishes %s would let it go
+demotes %s to Chief Whip
+accuses %s of handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
+throws shade at %s
+nominates %s for speedy deletion
+calls %s a monkey
+wishes %s would declare independence
+props %s up on bricks and steals all their wheels
+throws %s into an oubliette
+pushes %s out of a barnacle goose nest
+thinks there's something of the night about %s
+reckons %s couldn't outwit George W Bush
+gratuitously inserts punctuation into %s
+decorates %s with heavy-metal umlauts
+calls %s a pleb, then denies ever having done so
+changes %s's ringtone to "Agadoo"
+showers %s in unexpected raisins
+promises not to cancel cuts to the %s budget
~matthewv / irc.git / blobdiff