court-martials %s
suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
demands the source code to %s
-places four beetles in $s's bed
+places four beetles in %s's bed
finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes
drags and drops %s
sets the vermicious knids on %s
removes all the buttons from %s's mouse
moderates %s
declares %s off-topic
-throws a custard pie at %s
fills %s's bath with ducks
parks across %s's driveway
replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
removes %s from its Christmas card list
bulldozes %s's house
clobbers %s
-thinks %s is only good enough to play for Accrington Stanley
distributes poisson in %s's direction
poisons %s
requests that some friendly bombs fall on %s
prints 32767 copies of the Windows Printer Test Page just for %s
measures %s up for a casket
appoints %s drummer for Spinal Tap
+will proclaim %s's faults
+inserts a cuddly trout into %s's pizza
+whacks %s over the head with a ukulele
+delivers 28,000 tonnes of coal to %s
+buys %s a Windows phone
+politely suggests %s look at the documentation
+bends all %s's spoons
+gets Jony Ive to redecorate %s's house
+shuts down all "inessential" government activities and blames it on %s
+refuses to raise %s's debt ceiling
+gives %s a reminder to call the vet
+stores %s in a cool dark place, away from strong odours
+compares %s to the null trout
+folds %s into an elaborate origami representation of nothing
+discovers that %s cannot be repaired using common workshop tools
+decides that %s's genitalia would not be much use as a trout
+cleans %s's clock
+asks %s to quit their jibber-jabber
+sets %s's sticky bit
+eats %s
+drives round in a van telling %s to go home
+darns %s
+refers the castration of %s with a bread-knife to the ethics committee, then ignores their verdict
+thinks %s couldn't fool Baldrick
+believes %s is only half witty
+replaces the GUI on %s's smartphone with a CLI
+changes %s's password to "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
+mails %s two hemispheres of plutonium and assembly instructions
+makes %s a plutonium omelette
+poisons %s's last Rolo
+forces %s to model the Sarah Lund knitwear collection
+leaves %s a card claiming that fish delivery was attempted but they were out
+optimises %s to a NOP
+causes %s's wardrobe to malfunction
+multiplies %s by zero
+divides %s by zero
+declares %s to be illegal, unworkable, and counter productive
+grudgingly concedes that %s is not as bad as NFS
+causes "eaten by wolves" to appear on %s's screen
+makes kittens illegal just to annoy %s
+books the WBC to protest %s's funeral
+ditches %s's skin
+wonders whether to bother stunning %s
+slave-chips %s
+deposes %s
+gives %s a Brazilian
+deletes %s unread
+sticks a ferret up %s's nose
+buys %s a copy of a Louise Bagshawe novel
+fails to exterminate %s, then blames them for moving the goalposts
+causes the Italian government to collapse and makes %s prime minister
+fragments %s
+disqualifies %s from the human race
+filters all the happy stories out of %s's Facebook feed
+reschedules %s onto a flight to TTD
+performs a machine-gun sonata for %s
+pushes a pineapple in a painful direction for %s
+calls for a government inquiry into %s
+decides %s deserves their own .fish domain
+shares its earworm with %s
+wishes %s would let it go
+demotes %s to Chief Whip
+accuses %s of handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
+throws shade at %s
+nominates %s for speedy deletion
+calls %s a monkey
+wishes %s would declare independence
+props %s up on bricks and steals all their wheels
+throws %s into an oubliette
+pushes %s out of a barnacle goose nest
+thinks there's something of the night about %s
+reckons %s couldn't outwit George W Bush
+gratuitously inserts punctuation into %s
+decorates %s with heavy-metal umlauts
+calls %s a pleb, then denies ever having done so
+changes %s's ringtone to "Agadoo"
+showers %s in unexpected raisins
+promises not to cancel cuts to the %s budget
+takes the sky from %s
+nerve-staples %s
+distims %s's doshes
+claims to be offended by %s and asks them to hide in a corner under a tablecloth
+trims %s
+sends %s an AOL CD
+crimps %s's bottom
+offers %s sartorial tips from Michael Portillo
+nominates %s for seedy depletion
+serves inferior fish to %s
+concretizes %s
+octofurcates %s
+thwaps %s with a SuperFish
+wheelclamps %s
+dumps a statue of Margaret Thatcher on %s's doorstep
+sends %s driving through Argentina in a car with an offensive numberplate
+changes %s's password to 'dQw4w9WgXcQ'
+marks %s "con sordino"
+goes to Buckingham Palace to request that %s be dissolved
+removes %s's head, shoulders, knees, and toes (knees and toes)
+kippers %s
+notes that %s almost makes XML look good
+breaks up %s's favourite band
+does that thing %s hates
+replaces %s with the phrase 'fart fart fart'
+outsources trouting %s to Capita
+laminates %s
+sends %s to trout camp
+thinks %s's website is best viewed in lynx
+migrates %s's broadband to TalkTalk
+blames %s for the next trout
+spaghettifies %s
+changes %s's phone number to an illegal prime number
+assaults %s with a double bass
+assaults %s with a single bass
+"peacefully liberates" %s
+shears %s
+attacks %s with a salmon cannon
+outsources %s's brain to #chiark
+apologizes for the inconvenience caused by %s
+operates a %s-free environment, for your comfort and convenience
+tars %s
+requires %s to submit all their requests for trouts through the service desk
+rot13s %s's wibbly bits
+rearranges all the cards in %s's wallet
+forces %s to revoke all their biometrics
+writes an essay entitled "%s Considered Harmful"
+gives %s a five-second head start then releases the hounds
+adds trouting %s to its service catalogue
+adds snitching on %s to its service catalogue
+follows %s around tolling a bell and crying 'Shame!'
+cancels %s's favorite show, 3/4 of the way through the second season
+hits %s so hard that LIGO notices
+insults %s using the medium of interpretive dance
+comes out of its well to shame %s
+steals %s's skull
+beats %s to death with their own bloody femurs
+kicks %s down some hard stairs
+minimises %s
+deliberately misaddresses %s
+redirects all %s's Wikipedia requests to Conservapedia
+substitutes a Class 99 for %s's expected train service
+sends all %s's coffee to Germany
~matthewv / irc.git / blobdiff