hits %s with a wet trout.
thwaps %s with a five-mile-long spacestation.
sacrifices %s to dark gods.
bites his thumb at %s.
replaces %s with a 2-line shell script
takes off and nukes %s from orbit
treats %s with the contempt they deserve
grumbles sonorously at %s
offers %s a one way ticket to Mars
decapitates %s
slaps %s with a wet haddock
plays the xylophone on %s 's kneecaps
lands a minke whale on %s
inverts %s
sends %s to Cuba
searches frantically for %s's brain
introduces %s to their antimatter twin
opens a trapdoor under %s
lands a 10 ton weight on %s
pokes %s with a spoon
hits %s with a squeaky hammer
wonders if %s has a return-to-base warranty
mutters darkly about %s
thwaps %s unimaginatively
staples %s to Gordon Brown's nose
growls at %s
catapults %s over the Atlantic
replaces %s with a papier mache replica
attaches an extra three noses to %s
eviscerates %s with a trowel
anihilates %s
wonders what God was thinking of when He made %s
removes %s from the gene pool
performs a lube-less rectal on %s
uses %s to practice his orthopedic surgery on
thinks %s would make excellent road-kill
plays basketball with %s's head
drops %s down a deep well
suggests to %s that suicide would be the honourable thing to do
covers %s in blancmange
napalms %s
finds %s particularly irksome
feeds %s to his pet dog
reminds %s that life is not a game of Nethack
thinks that %s would give a cannibal nausea
wonders if %s is ever going to become a swan