wonders what %s and %s are doing together in a locked room
wishes %s and %s would stop doing that in public
draws chibi fan art of %s and %s
embarks on the Good Ship %s-%s
watches %s and %s making the beast with two backs
thinks %s/%s is better than Legolas/Aragorn
is jealous because %s loves %s instead of itself
daydreams about %s and %s's wedding
writes plotless smut about %s's steamy secret liaison with %s
starts a Yahoo group devoted to Photoshops of %s and %s naked
gets horny just thinking about %s and %s together
thinks %s and %s should grow old together surrounded by their children
wonders who would be the godparents when %s and %s had children
wonders who would get pregnant, %s or %s
makes LJ banners proclaiming '%s and %s Is Love!'
makes animated LJ icons of %s and %s making out
wonders how %s and %s got together
wonders what %s and %s's friends would think of their relationship
writes dirty lyrics about %s and %s
sings, "%s and %s, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g"
sets %s and %s up on a blind date
thinks %s and %s should get a room!
watches %s and %s doing things that mtbc would filter
mails photos of %s and %s to the News Of The World
discovers that %s and %s have starred in hundreds of hard-core pornographic films together
wonders whether %s and %s are a good genetic match
orders %s and %s to be screened for STIs
thinks %s and %s need to find a less creaky bed
hopes %s and %s are using appropriate protection
gets ideas for new slashes from watching %s and %s
thinks %s and %s form a twisted pair
threatens to expose %s and %s's illicit affair if they don't pay up
lends %s and %s a copy of the "Kama Sutra"
shows drawings of %s naked to %s
wonders if %s would be %s's deputy prime minister
wonders when %s and %s will update their relationship status
thinks %s and %s are almost as good together as Cameron and Clegg
glues %s to %s
watches %s and %s doing things that the IWF would try and ban
tricks %s into sleeping in %s's bed
casts %s and %s in Romeo And Juliet And Monster Trucks
fakes love letters between %s and %s
bubblewraps %s and invites %s to start popping
creates a .xxx domain just for %s and %s
hides %s's ladle in %s's bed
posts to twitter about the superinjunction %s and %s have taken out
buys %s and %s matching underwear
buys %s and %s matching hats
kidnaps %s so that %s can rescue them
thinks %s is the star in %s's show
sells %s to %s
introduces %s's and %s's parents to each other
thinks %s and %s should have hot monkey sex right now
thinks %s and %s should have hot armadillo sex right now
thinks %s is the key to %s's lock
sells commemorative DVDs of %s and %s's wedding
speculates loudly, embarrassingly, and accurately about %s and %s's first night together
posts the %s and %s sex tape to Youtube
hangs around %s and %s's table playing the violin (badly)
listens through the bedroom wall to %s and %s
uses %s and %s to explain the facts of life to small children
locks %s and %s in a room with no clothes and jar of marmalade
thinks %s and %s should leverage their team synergies
directs a porno starring %s and %s
suggests %s cuddles up to %s
wonders if %s and %s have a consensual locking relationship
thinks %s and %s should reap their zombie children
fakes a SIGURG to %s on behalf of %s
thinks %s's output should be piped to %s
performs link-time optimization between %s and %s
starts a Twitter rumour about %s and %s
wishes %s and %s could be together
sits %s and %s down on a kissing chair
packs %s and %s off for a dirty weekend in Brighton
packs %s and %s off for a dirty weekend in Slough
pronounces %s and %s man and wife
kidnaps a bishop and insists they marry %s and %s in absentia
puts %s and %s on adjacent rails
entangles %s and %s's wave functions
makes a nature documentary about %s and %s's mating habits
gives %s and %s half a mouse each
sends %s and %s to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat
notes %s and %s pushing the newly-amended boundaries of the Obscene Publications Act
complains to the Daily Mail about the disgusting things %s and %s get up to (and suggests they publish the pictures)
watches %s and %s naked-shorting
thinks %s and %s would look good together on a bicycle made for two
gives %s and %s a big book of baby names
thinks %s and %s should name their first child "Stormageddon"
photoshops %s's head onto %s's body
applies a fixup to %s and %s
legalizes gay marriage just for %s and %s
thinks %s should become %s's Mr Darcy
thinks %s should ACK %s's SYN request
thinks %s/%s is cuter than several sorts of pony
employs some troubadors to sing of %s and %s throughout the land
films %s and %s mating for a BBC nature programme
hopes there will be a bank holiday in honour of %s and %s's wedding
helps %s go fishing for %s
hacks okcupid to set up %s with %s
offers %s champagne if they'll go on a date with %s
gives %s's phone number to %s
woos %s on %s's behalf
wonders what's taking %s and %s so long
buys %s and %s matching pyjamas for Christmas
gives %s the key to %s's chastity belt
wonders if %s and %s are up for a threesome
resolves to seat %s and %s together at its next dinner party
chaperones %s and %s
negotiates %s's virtue with %s
checks its logs to see how often %s flirts with %s
oversees a merger between %s and %s
gay-marries %s to %s
thinks %s and %s should have an impulsive moment in a field
buys %s and %s tickets for the mile-high club
wonders which of #chiark's photographers will take the official photos at %s and %s's wedding
fakes a Valentine's card from %s to %s
invents a new cocktail based on the chemistry between %s and %s
offers to fund %s and %s's wedding
offers to fund %s and %s's first night together
suggests %s and %s disappear upstairs to discuss Uganda
gets ordained online in order to marry %s and %s
commissions an opera about %s and %s
wonders whether %s would be willing to take %s's speeding points
thinks %s is teal to %s's orange
thinks %s and %s should go hiking on the Appalachian Trail
offers %s and %s 200 quid a year if they get married
wonders whether %s and %s keep a dunking beaker beside the bed
invites %s and %s to a private IRC channel, and leaves them to it
blames %s and %s's relationship for the recent weather
thinks %s and %s should protest against FIFA
admires %s and %s's railcard photos
divides %s by %s
gives %s and %s a box of condoms and a knowing look
snoops on %s and %s talking qwerty to each other