covers %s in blancmange
jumps for joy at the thought of %s
offers %s a bunch of flowers
blows kisses at %s
falls head over heels in love with %s
offers to take %s out for dinner
is %s's kind of robot
offers %s a Turkish Delight
gazes contentedly at %s
offers %s a cherry
imagines %s in a tutu
catches %s's eye across a crowded room
kisses %s's hand
wonders what a nice person like %s is doing in a place like this
licks chocolate sauce off %s
gets down on one knee in front of %s
bats its eyelashes at %s
winks suggestively at %s
blabbers incoherently at the sight of %s
mentally undresses %s
daydreams about %s
wonders what %s is really thinking
talks dirty to %s
gazes mutely into %s's eyes
wonders if %s might reciprocate its feelings
whispers sweet nothings to %s
sends %s a red rose
toasts %s with champagne
offers %s its last Rolo
invites %s up for coffee
promises %s a night to remember
invites %s in to see its etchings
wonders if %s is really that innocent
serenades %s
puts a rose between its teeth and tangoes seductively with %s
plays with its hair whilst gazing at %s
draws a magic circle around itself and %s
tickles %s playfully
draws a flattering portrait of %s
poings happily at the sight of %s
gives %s a high-five
brushes lint off %s's clothing
dims the lights for %s
invites %s behind the bike sheds
rides a tightrope on a unicycle while juggling chainsaws in an attempt to impress %s
composes haiku for %s
makes the tea for %s
strokes %s's hair
sprinkles %s with hundreds and thousands
flagellates %s with a birch branch
<3s %s
admires %s's boots
invites %s to a candle-lit dinner
pole dances for %s
hopes %s packed their toothbrush!
showers %s in rose petals
holds a candle for %s
admires %s's physique
gives %s a nice relaxing foot massage
treks through the jungle to deliver Milk Tray to %s
searches for a rhyme for its poem about %s
compares %s's eyes to stars
wonders whether %s comes here often?
compares %s to a summer's day
curls up at %s's feet
plays %s's theme tune
sends for %s and more golden syrup
puts %s on top of the Christmas tree
writes flirts just for %s
thinks %s is the new hotness
imagines %s in a sailor outfit
would like to cause earthquakes with %s
creates an "I bet we can get a million people who fancy %s" group on Facebook
becomes a fan of %s
turns down the house lights for %s
invites %s up to see its iPad
can't wait to unbox %s
dips %s in honey and throws them to the lesbians
blows %s's vuvuzela
wonders if %s is multi-touch
takes photos of %s draped over a sports car
tips its hat to %s
would Photoshop %s but they are perfect already
would betray its country for %s
creates a dozen extra Twitter accounts just to follow %s
wears sexy underwear just for %s
is never gonna give %s up
wants to FaceTime %s
spies on %s through their webcam
dyes its hair for %s
newgroups alt.fan.%s
tattoos %s's name on its bottom
makes a backup copy of %s
throws itself at %s's feet
gets its tits out for %s
buys %s a nice dress
buys %s a revealing dress
asks %s out on a date
posts pictures of %s to rule34.paheal.net [NWS!]
emails %s its favourite cat pictures
lends %s all its spoons
searches the internet for pictures of %s
writes to Dan Savage for tips on seducing %s
cross-dresses just for %s
buys a telephoto lens just to take pictures of %s
offers %s some Madeira
offers %s a fork
gives %s a thumbs-up
goes speed-dating with a dozen clones of %s
writes a webcomic about the adventures of %s
dresses up as Batman for %s
club mammoth for %s.  Ug!
sexts %s
defeats all of %s's evil exes
clones %s's repo
thinks %s is cuter than all the My Little Ponies put together
would open the pod bay doors for %s
takes upskirt photos of %s
sniffs %s's underwear
writes thousands of lines of elisp just for %s
showers %s with porcelain sunflower seeds
creates a .xxx domain just for %s
hopes rule 34 applies to %s
unzips %s
drives its tractor through %s's haystack
wonders if %s is single or transferable
doesn't want any alternatives to %s
writes 'I <3 U' in weedkiller on %s's lawn
writes about %s in popular culture
checks out %s's arse
shoots Ronald Reagan to impress %s
carves %s's name into its case
makes billions of software copies of %s to practice seducing them
fights trolls for %s
swims the Hellespont for %s
"accidentally" sends %s lewd pictures of itself using Twitter
sends %s dead plant sex organs
wears tinsel just for %s
puts on chrome makeup for %s
paints Tom Jones purple for %s
buys %s a ++Rowan Bear
imagines %s in a pair of Daisy Dukes
wonders if %s would like to meet its sister
wouldn't give a ... Castlemaine XXXX for anyone but %s
hacks into a spy satellite just to get a better look at %s
buys extra disk space just for pictures of %s
conjugates %s
offers %s a role in its new movie
resolves to grass on rejs more often (at the instigation of %s)
turns %s into a pillar of salt, and starts licking it
assists %s with onanism
gives %s a dutch rudder
posts %s a French letter
thinks %s could give their chair an orgasm