covers %s in blancmange jumps for joy at the thought of %s offers %s a bunch of flowers blows kisses at %s falls head over heels in love with %s offers to take %s out for dinner is %s's kind of robot offers %s a Turkish Delight gazes contentedly at %s offers %s a cherry imagines %s in a tutu catches %s's eye across a crowded room kisses %s's hand wonders what a nice person like %s is doing in a place like this licks chocolate sauce off %s gets down on one knee in front of %s bats its eyelashes at %s winks suggestively at %s blabbers incoherently at the sight of %s mentally undresses %s daydreams about %s wonders what %s is really thinking talks dirty to %s gazes mutely into %s's eyes wonders if %s might reciprocate its feelings whispers sweet nothings to %s sends %s a red rose toasts %s with champagne offers %s its last Rolo invites %s up for coffee promises %s a night to remember invites %s in to see its etchings wonders if %s is really that innocent serenades %s puts a rose between its teeth and tangoes seductively with %s plays with its hair whilst gazing at %s draws a magic circle around itself and %s tickles %s playfully draws a flattering portrait of %s poings happily at the sight of %s gives %s a high-five brushes lint off %s's clothing dims the lights for %s invites %s behind the bike sheds rides a tightrope on a unicycle while juggling chainsaws in an attempt to impress %s composes haiku for %s makes the tea for %s strokes %s's hair sprinkles %s with hundreds and thousands flagellates %s with a birch branch <3s %s admires %s's boots invites %s to a candle-lit dinner pole dances for %s hopes %s packed their toothbrush! showers %s in rose petals holds a candle for %s admires %s's physique gives %s a nice relaxing foot massage treks through the jungle to deliver Milk Tray to %s searches for a rhyme for its poem about %s compares %s's eyes to stars wonders whether %s comes here often? compares %s to a summer's day curls up at %s's feet plays %s's theme tune sends for %s and more golden syrup puts %s on top of the Christmas tree writes flirts just for %s thinks %s is the new hotness imagines %s in a sailor outfit would like to cause earthquakes with %s creates an "I bet we can get a million people who fancy %s" group on Facebook becomes a fan of %s turns down the house lights for %s invites %s up to see its iPad can't wait to unbox %s dips %s in honey and throws them to the lesbians blows %s's vuvuzela wonders if %s is multi-touch takes photos of %s draped over a sports car tips its hat to %s would Photoshop %s but they are perfect already would betray its country for %s creates a dozen extra Twitter accounts just to follow %s wears sexy underwear just for %s is never gonna give %s up wants to FaceTime %s spies on %s through their webcam dyes its hair for %s newgroups alt.fan.%s tattoos %s's name on its bottom makes a backup copy of %s throws itself at %s's feet gets its tits out for %s buys %s a nice dress buys %s a revealing dress asks %s out on a date posts pictures of %s to rule34.paheal.net [NWS!] emails %s its favourite cat pictures lends %s all its spoons searches the internet for pictures of %s writes to Dan Savage for tips on seducing %s cross-dresses just for %s buys a telephoto lens just to take pictures of %s offers %s some Madeira offers %s a fork gives %s a thumbs-up goes speed-dating with a dozen clones of %s writes a webcomic about the adventures of %s dresses up as Batman for %s club mammoth for %s. Ug! sexts %s defeats all of %s's evil exes clones %s's repo thinks %s is cuter than all the My Little Ponies put together would open the pod bay doors for %s takes upskirt photos of %s sniffs %s's underwear writes thousands of lines of elisp just for %s showers %s with porcelain sunflower seeds creates a .xxx domain just for %s hopes rule 34 applies to %s unzips %s drives its tractor through %s's haystack wonders if %s is single or transferable doesn't want any alternatives to %s writes 'I <3 U' in weedkiller on %s's lawn writes about %s in popular culture checks out %s's arse shoots Ronald Reagan to impress %s carves %s's name into its case makes billions of software copies of %s to practice seducing them fights trolls for %s swims the Hellespont for %s "accidentally" sends %s lewd pictures of itself using Twitter sends %s dead plant sex organs wears tinsel just for %s puts on chrome makeup for %s paints Tom Jones purple for %s buys %s a ++Rowan Bear imagines %s in a pair of Daisy Dukes wonders if %s would like to meet its sister wouldn't give a ... Castlemaine XXXX for anyone but %s hacks into a spy satellite just to get a better look at %s buys extra disk space just for pictures of %s conjugates %s offers %s a role in its new movie resolves to grass on rejs more often (at the instigation of %s) turns %s into a pillar of salt, and starts licking it assists %s with onanism gives %s a dutch rudder posts %s a French letter thinks %s could give their chair an orgasm names its pipes after %s binds its sockets to %s calls accept(2) on %s shows %s the breasts of St Agatha canonizes %s so it can make erotic sculptures of them gives %s a red hat paints devotional art of %s with no clothes on rims %s photoshops %s into its collection of Dalek porn names a Linux distribution after %s brings down the Greek economy just to get %s's attention thinks %s has a particularly well-designed ABI checks Twitter for news about %s every few minutes goes all gooey inside at the thought of %s has a warm feeling about %s buys %s transparent clothing saves the world because it has %s in it gets all starry-eyed about %s would pay the ransom if %s were ever kidnapped glances shyly at %s gets monumentally drunk and tells %s how it feels about them nominates %s for Pope buys Rockall and gives it to %s thinks peace, love, and %s are the most important things in the world buys %s a sand hopper fills %s's sand hopper admires %s's flanges admires %s's symmetry oils %s's camel wonders if %s wants to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel hopes that %s will gets its message in a bottle wonders how much %s charges for a good hard shag puts a red light outside its house in the hope of attracting %s wants %s's babies affectionately nibbles %s adds leap-seconds in order to spend more time with %s makes %s's world wonders what flavour condom to buy for %s slips a porn DVD into %s's sporran carves a statue of %s changes %s's SMS alert to an erotic moan reveals the code to its safe to %s works on being more classy around %s shines %s's buttons flashes %s oils %s invites %s to the ball posts %s a pizza gives %s a blue French horn puts on a french maid's outfit and cleans %s's house from top to bottom puts on a french maid's outfit and cleans %s from top to bottom checks %s's topology checks %s for topological defects