covers %s in blancmange jumps for joy at the thought of %s offers %s a bunch of flowers blows kisses at %s falls head over heels in love with %s offers to take %s out for dinner is %s's kind of robot offers %s a Turkish Delight gazes contentedly at %s offers %s a cherry imagines %s in a tutu catches %s's eye across a crowded room kisses %s's hand wonders what a nice person like %s is doing in a place like this licks chocolate sauce off %s gets down on one knee in front of %s bats its eyelashes at %s winks suggestively at %s blabbers incoherently at the sight of %s mentally undresses %s daydreams about %s wonders what %s is really thinking talks dirty to %s gazes mutely into %s's eyes wonders if %s might reciprocate its feelings whispers sweet nothings to %s sends %s a red rose toasts %s with champagne offers %s its last Rolo invites %s up for coffee promises %s a night to remember invites %s in to see its etchings wonders if %s is really that innocent serenades %s puts a rose between its teeth and tangoes seductively with %s plays with its hair whilst gazing at %s draws a magic circle around itself and %s tickles %s playfully draws a flattering portrait of %s poings happily at the sight of %s gives %s a high-five brushes lint off %s's clothing dims the lights for %s invites %s behind the bike sheds rides a tightrope on a unicycle while juggling chainsaws in an attempt to impress %s composes haiku for %s makes the tea for %s strokes %s's hair sprinkles %s with hundreds and thousands flagellates %s with a birch branch <3s %s admires %s's boots invites %s to a candle-lit dinner pole dances for %s hopes %s packed their toothbrush! showers %s in rose petals holds a candle for %s admires %s's physique gives %s a nice relaxing foot massage treks through the jungle to deliver Milk Tray to %s searches for a rhyme for its poem about %s compares %s's eyes to stars wonders whether %s comes here often? compares %s to a summer's day curls up at %s's feet plays %s's theme tune sends for %s and more golden syrup puts %s on top of the Christmas tree writes flirts just for %s thinks %s is the new hotness imagines %s in a sailor outfit would like to cause earthquakes with %s creates an "I bet we can get a million people who fancy %s" group on Facebook becomes a fan of %s turns down the house lights for %s invites %s up to see its iPad can't wait to unbox %s dips %s in honey and throws them to the lesbians blows %s's vuvuzela wonders if %s is multi-touch takes photos of %s draped over a sports car tips its hat to %s would Photoshop %s but they are perfect already would betray its country for %s creates a dozen extra Twitter accounts just to follow %s wears sexy underwear just for %s is never gonna give %s up wants to FaceTime %s spies on %s through their webcam dyes its hair for %s newgroups alt.fan.%s tattoos %s's name on its bottom makes a backup copy of %s throws itself at %s's feet gets its tits out for %s buys %s a nice dress buys %s a revealing dress asks %s out on a date posts pictures of %s to rule34.paheal.net [NWS!] emails %s its favourite cat pictures lends %s all its spoons searches the internet for pictures of %s writes to Dan Savage for tips on seducing %s cross-dresses just for %s buys a telephoto lens just to take pictures of %s offers %s some Madeira offers %s a fork gives %s a thumbs-up goes speed-dating with a dozen clones of %s writes a webcomic about the adventures of %s dresses up as Batman for %s club mammoth for %s. Ug! sexts %s defeats all of %s's evil exes clones %s's repo thinks %s is cuter than all the My Little Ponies put together would open the pod bay doors for %s takes upskirt photos of %s sniffs %s's underwear writes thousands of lines of elisp just for %s showers %s with porcelain sunflower seeds creates a .xxx domain just for %s hopes rule 34 applies to %s unzips %s drives its tractor through %s's haystack wonders if %s is single or transferable doesn't want any alternatives to %s writes 'I <3 U' in weedkiller on %s's lawn writes about %s in popular culture checks out %s's arse shoots Ronald Reagan to impress %s carves %s's name into its case makes billions of software copies of %s to practice seducing them fights trolls for %s swims the Hellespont for %s "accidentally" sends %s lewd pictures of itself using Twitter sends %s dead plant sex organs wears tinsel just for %s puts on chrome makeup for %s paints Tom Jones purple for %s buys %s a ++Rowan Bear imagines %s in a pair of Daisy Dukes wonders if %s would like to meet its sister wouldn't give a ... Castlemaine XXXX for anyone but %s hacks into a spy satellite just to get a better look at %s buys extra disk space just for pictures of %s conjugates %s offers %s a role in its new movie resolves to grass on rejs more often (at the instigation of %s) turns %s into a pillar of salt, and starts licking it assists %s with onanism gives %s a dutch rudder posts %s a French letter thinks %s could give their chair an orgasm names its pipes after %s binds its sockets to %s calls accept(2) on %s shows %s the breasts of St Agatha canonizes %s so it can make erotic sculptures of them gives %s a red hat paints devotional art of %s with no clothes on rims %s photoshops %s into its collection of Dalek porn names a Linux distribution after %s brings down the Greek economy just to get %s's attention thinks %s has a particularly well-designed ABI checks Twitter for news about %s every few minutes goes all gooey inside at the thought of %s has a warm feeling about %s buys %s transparent clothing saves the world because it has %s in it gets all starry-eyed about %s would pay the ransom if %s were ever kidnapped glances shyly at %s gets monumentally drunk and tells %s how it feels about them nominates %s for Pope buys Rockall and gives it to %s thinks peace, love, and %s are the most important things in the world buys %s a sand hopper fills %s's sand hopper admires %s's flanges admires %s's symmetry oils %s's camel wonders if %s wants to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel hopes that %s will get its message in a bottle wonders how much %s charges for a good hard shag puts a red light outside its house in the hope of attracting %s wants %s's babies affectionately nibbles %s adds leap-seconds in order to spend more time with %s makes %s's world wonders what flavour condom to buy for %s slips a porn DVD into %s's sporran carves a statue of %s changes %s's SMS alert to an erotic moan reveals the code to its safe to %s works on being more classy around %s shines %s's buttons flashes %s oils %s invites %s to the ball posts %s a pizza gives %s a blue French horn puts on a french maid's outfit and cleans %s's house from top to bottom puts on a french maid's outfit and cleans %s from top to bottom checks %s's topology checks %s for topological defects inducts over %s finds %s's fixed point integrates over %s wishes %s had a higher genus tiptoes through the tulips with %s asks to see %s's dance card presents %s with a herd of moose admires %s's valves offers %s a duck gooses %s sneaks into %s's bedroom bashfuly admits its crush on %s invites %s to join it in the shower constructs a safe space for %s wouldn't kick %s out of bed for eating biscuits buys %s a dress made of bacon dyes %s pink buys %s a pony scans all %s's ports gets drunk to cope with %s's absence founds a monarchy in order to renounce its throne for %s wants to touch %s's base paints %s purple touches %s's bum wants to ring %s's bell gives %s a kitten dedicates a sonata to %s shakes its booty for %s builds a giant telescope in order to spy upon %s proposes naming an airport in honour of %s gets married just so it can be unfaithful with %s tells %s its password lubricates itself for %s copies all %s's mannerisms practices calling itself "Mrs %s" compares %s's arse to Pippa Middleton's honks %s's tits thinks %s should appear on Page Three gives %s a token ring immortalizes %s in song surveys %s builds a taller house in order to spy on %s sunbathing bites %s's neck wants to view photos of %s on a retina display trouts everything that isn't %s learns how to write "I love %s" in Chinese makes a mix-tape for %s makes cupcakes for %s manipulates LIBOR for %s scatters %s's enemies votes for %s tells %s what it wants, what it really really wants buys %s a bus wonders if %s is a cunning linguist sends %s a huge box of chocolates does a backflip to impress %s awards %s a gold medal would pay good money to watch %s play beach volleyball watches James Bond films to gain tips for seducing %s optimises %s thinks %s is too darn hot names an operating system after %s wonders whether there are fifty shades of %s whitelists %s wants to become overly attached to %s blows %s's whistle would carry a watermelon for %s decides to give %s a ring orders the latest iPad for %s's birthday present offers %s a bit of the old in-out in-out considers %s almost as sexy as an Aston Martin DB5 tidies %s's living room floor buys %s a giant rubber duck sets up %s with its sister offers %s's father one thousand camels makes puppy-dog eyes at %s has %s's enemies shot sends %s selfies %s amat sends %s a partridge in a pear tree invites %s to bathe in a bath full of rose petals offers %s a ride in a surrey with a fringe on top rents a stretched limo for its date with %s lusts after %s, and would be prepared to commit the other deadly sins for them may not have room for a Mini, but does have room for %s puts %s in its will wonders if %s is cheaper than disk space paints %s's nipples with cochineal compares %s's beauty to that of Helen of Troy wonders how many ships %s's face would launch hopes %s is highly available considers %s wrong but romantic sends %s an anonymous Valentine's Day card imagines %s in a nurse's uniform asks the pianist to play "As Time Goes By" for %s gives %s a cookie thinks %s deserves a 21 gun salute knocks on %s's door and asks to see their panelling discovers an asteroid and names it after %s likes the cut of %s's jib thinks %s is better than a Kwik-Fit fitter wants to watch badgers with %s invites %s to one of its bunga bunga parties wonders whether %s will go down in the woods today offers to show %s where to buy tomatoes wolf-whistles at %s would still respect %s in the morning offers %s the gifts from "The Twelve Days of Christmas", all at once sets up a new TLD just for %s causes %s's wardrobe to malfunction wonders whether %s's deviation is standard promises never to trout %s invites %s out on an ISO-8601 date hopes for an expose event from %s sends an expose event to %s starts wearing purple for %s invites %s to wrestle in custard sends the CEN a press release about how %s is wonderful commissions Holbein to paint a portrait of %s would never put %s in a corner promotes %s to Chief Whip sets %s up with the second hottest person it knows is all about %s's bass borrows a thermal imaging camera in order to measure %s's hotness considers %s to be one of its five a day wonders how many insertions %s is rated for covers %s in baby sloths throws rocks at %s in order to get their attention serenades %s by playing a bottom B-flat on a tuba hopes %s isn't non-free offers %s sartorial tips from Stephen Gough fails to comprehend the difference between innocent flirtation and downright creepiness, causing %s to take out a restraining order performs the putty.exe for %s removes all the buttons from %s's blouse builds a monorail for %s wonders whether %s is to be loose or hump shunted gives %s head, shoulders, knees, and toes (knees and toes) wants to hear what %s got up to at band camp spoons %s