X-Git-Url: http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/ucgi/~matthewv/git?a=blobdiff_plain;f=trouts;h=9e7a48c812bcf3a04dbd3cb2c72c2e10e5a194f4;hb=b7606eafe9fabbb3c0cec017cd0ff71adbc6b45b;hp=f012b8143ce7e2ff5343d770c2538eb69795224a;hpb=4577500261682d879247277560f7894971463a7c;p=irc.git

diff --git a/trouts b/trouts
index f012b81..9e7a48c 100644
--- a/trouts
+++ b/trouts
@@ -429,7 +429,7 @@ thinks %s's village is missing its idiot
 court-martials %s
 suggests %s stick a pair of underpants on their head and pencils up their nose
 demands the source code to %s
-places four beetles in $s's bed
+places four beetles in %s's bed
 finds %s even less amusing than "your mum" jokes
 drags and drops %s
 sets the vermicious knids on %s
@@ -440,7 +440,6 @@ delivers seven thousand octopuses to %s
 removes all the buttons from %s's mouse
 moderates %s
 declares %s off-topic
-throws a custard pie at %s
 fills %s's bath with ducks
 parks across %s's driveway
 replaces %s with a 1GB shell script
@@ -518,7 +517,6 @@ sends %s to a shrink
 shaves %s
 volunteers %s for a position as gladiator at the Colosseum
 freezes %s in carbonite
-applies a tramp stamp to %s
 toasts %s
 proves to a UN inspector that %s is "beyond use"
 shortens all %s's URLs
@@ -609,7 +607,7 @@ causes %s's wardrobe to malfunction
 multiplies %s by zero
 divides %s by zero
 declares %s to be illegal, unworkable, and counter productive
-grudgingly conceeds that %s is not as bad as NFS
+grudgingly concedes that %s is not as bad as NFS
 causes "eaten by wolves" to appear on %s's screen
 makes kittens illegal just to annoy %s
 books the WBC to protest %s's funeral
@@ -647,3 +645,211 @@ reckons %s couldn't outwit George W Bush
 gratuitously inserts punctuation into %s
 decorates %s with heavy-metal umlauts
 calls %s a pleb, then denies ever having done so
+changes %s's ringtone to "Agadoo"
+showers %s in unexpected raisins
+promises not to cancel cuts to the %s budget
+takes the sky from %s
+nerve-staples %s
+distims %s's doshes
+claims to be offended by %s and asks them to hide in a corner under a tablecloth
+trims %s
+sends %s an AOL CD
+crimps %s's bottom
+offers %s sartorial tips from Michael Portillo
+nominates %s for seedy depletion
+serves inferior fish to %s
+concretizes %s
+octofurcates %s
+thwaps %s with a SuperFish
+wheelclamps %s
+dumps a statue of Margaret Thatcher on %s's doorstep
+sends %s driving through Argentina in a car with an offensive numberplate
+changes %s's password to 'dQw4w9WgXcQ'
+marks %s "con sordino"
+goes to Buckingham Palace to request that %s be dissolved
+removes %s's head, shoulders, knees, and toes (knees and toes)
+kippers %s
+notes that %s almost makes XML look good
+breaks up %s's favourite band
+does that thing %s hates
+replaces %s with the phrase 'fart fart fart'
+outsources trouting %s to Capita
+laminates %s
+sends %s to trout camp
+thinks %s's website is best viewed in lynx
+migrates %s's broadband to TalkTalk
+blames %s for the next trout
+spaghettifies %s
+changes %s's phone number to an illegal prime number
+assaults %s with a double bass
+assaults %s with a single bass
+"peacefully liberates" %s
+shears %s
+attacks %s with a salmon cannon
+outsources %s's brain to #chiark
+apologizes for the inconvenience caused by %s
+operates a %s-free environment, for your comfort and convenience
+tars %s
+requires %s to submit all their requests for trouts through the service desk
+rot13s %s's wibbly bits
+rearranges all the cards in %s's wallet
+forces %s to revoke all their biometrics
+writes an essay entitled "%s Considered Harmful"
+gives %s a five-second head start then releases the hounds
+adds trouting %s to its service catalogue
+adds snitching on %s to its service catalogue
+follows %s around tolling a bell and crying 'Shame!'
+cancels %s's favorite show, 3/4 of the way through the second season
+hits %s so hard that LIGO notices
+insults %s using the medium of interpretive dance
+comes out of its well to shame %s
+steals %s's skull
+beats %s to death with their own bloody femurs
+kicks %s down some hard stairs
+minimises %s
+deliberately misaddresses %s
+redirects all %s's Wikipedia requests to Conservapedia
+substitutes a Class 99 for %s's expected train service
+sends all %s's coffee to Germany
+thinks %s should resign from UKIP
+spiralizes %s
+hands %s an ominously ticking box
+breaks up the PLP to get rid of %s
+has the decency to stab %s in the front
+comes to the conclusion that %s can not do the job of prime minister
+builds a high wall around %s, then invoices them for construction costs
+posts %s's top
+posts %s's bottom
+thinks %s has the right grasp of nuance and fact to do well in UKIP
+holds a referendum on whether %s should leave #chiark
+invites Ken Livingstone to speak in defence of %s
+plays Freebird at %s
+locks %s in a room until they can play Freebird on Expert
+replaces %s's computer's startup chime with Freebird
+tests %s for bear-resistance
+calls for a referendum on %sexit
+lets loose a kea in %s's office
+dispatches an ambassador to deliver a tun of treasure to %s
+is going to have to visit Billingsgate before it can deal with %s
+slaps %s with a guppy, on the grounds that they're too insignificant to merit a bigger fish
+tests experimentally whether giant squid eat %s
+suspects %s lacks sufficient intelligence to find their way out of a Klein bottle
+replaces all of %s's music with copies of Schubert's quintet in A major for piano and strings
+trout-rolls %s
+hits %s with a frozen trout
+audits %s
+sits on %s's Jimmy Shands
+gets a toddler to shoot %s every week for 2 years
+tests whether %s dissolves in aqua regia
+marks %s's books
+reminds %s that trout means trout
+has %s impeached
+comments out %s
+decides that, from a distance, %s resembles flies
+places an elephant in %s's room
+accuses %s of violating the rule of tincture
+places %s in its basket of deplorables
+botsplains the topic to %s
+holds %s down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks
+recommends replacing %s's head
+mistakenly staples a faked-up OCSP unavailability response to %s's nose
+vents %s's spleen
+corrugates %s
+assaults %s with an organic carrot
+fills %s's NNTP server with fake news
+decides %s deserves an "alternative flirt"
+approves use of unnecessary violence in apprehension of %s
+debases %s
+papers over %s
+resolves to visit %s in the middle of the night dressed as Noseybonk
+considers %s less interesting than the rear end of a Volvo
+forces %s to shake hands with Donald Trump
+hashes %s
+threatens %s with a trout-replacement bus service
+has %s keelhauled
+makes %s pick oakum
+forces %s to work with the DUP
+slaps %s around a bit with U+1F40B
+excludes %s's middle
+throws a poo out of %s's bathroom window
+donates %s's brain to science
+converts %s into paperclips
+hijacks %s's brain for Dogecoin mining
+flattens, circularises and covers %s in cheese
+throws a cloth over %s's cage
+loses %s
+subjects %s to public inquiry
+buries %s in soft peat for three months
+sends %s a letter ordering them to leave the country ASAP
+threatens to overrule %s
+assaults %s in some inventive manner, then requests feedback on their trouting experience
+proposes the motion "This channel has no confidence in %s"
+chains %s to a block
+caches %s's thumbnails
+drops six kilotonnes of Marmite on %s
+cocks a snook at %s
+melts %s down
+deletes %s's microbiome
+sasses %s
+steals %s's mojo
+steals %s's mojito
+harshes %s's vibe
+gives %s negative-utility cake
+converts all %s's money into Botcoin
+fills %s's car with frozen iguanas
+stashes acorns throughout %s's favoured means of transport
+bowdlerises %s
+abates %s's coat of arms
+banishes %s
+hands %s a <pred> T-shirt
+tells Cambridge Analytica everything it knows about %s
+shrinks %s's head
+sets %s's snails on fire
+drops the Tsar Bomba on %s
+repeatedly emails %s about its Troutcoin ICO
+thwaps %s with IWJ's five-mile-long trout of deprecation
+offers %s support via an award-winning ITSM implementation
+forces %s to download its new trout app
+refactors %s's head
+censors %s's cake
+repeatedly violates the First Law of Robotics where %s is concerned
+sets up a virtual private trout for %s
+moves %s aside and applies gzip -9
+uuencodes %s
+trees %s
+sticks %s's genitals in a wasp nest
+attempts to cook a trout in %s's underwear
+sets up %s the bomb
+delivers unexploded ordnance to %s
+fills %s's boot with durian
+installs a Java VM inside %s's head
+shoots %s's screen
+inserts %s into a trout
+sends %s to stderr
+immerses %s in fifty thousand gallons of grout
+suggests %s draw eyes on an empty ice cream tub and wear it on their head
+sends %s an HTML-only trout
+conceals a small black hole in %s's sock drawer
+implements %s in C
+approves %s very slowly if at all
+puts a bollard up %s's sump
+resurrects its favourite trout Antonella and slaps %s with it
+plays slap bass with %s
+clips %s's wings
+sends %s on a camping trip to Isla Sorna
+sets 30-50 feral hogs loose in %s's yard
+zero-pads %s
+wraps %s in JSON
+sticks "%s" in air quotes
+shares a point with %s
+makes a one-fingered gesture at %s
+gives %s a three-fingered salute
+invites %s to climb a fish ladder
+replaces %s's keyboard with an Enigma machine
+s/%s//g
+containerises %s
+recalls %s
+folds %s into a paper bag and waits for them to organise their way out of it
+sends a fully armed battalion to remind %s of its love
+belabours %s with a 500-year-old prestigious sturgeon
+sends the fish van to visit %s