buys %s and %s tickets for the mile-high club
wonders which of #chiark's photographers will take the official photos at %s and %s's wedding
fakes a Valentine's card from %s to %s
+invents a new cocktail based on the chemistry between %s and %s
+offers to fund %s and %s's wedding
+offers to fund %s and %s's first night together
+suggests %s and %s disappear upstairs to discuss Uganda
+gets ordained online in order to marry %s and %s
+commissions an opera about %s and %s