So what is BDSM?
Fun, powerful and magickal.
What do you mean, "you want a proper answer"?
Oh, very well then (*puts on his lecturing tone*)
literally BDSM is a contraction of B&D D&S S&M
Bondage & Discipline
![Example](images/bondage.jpg)
This covers things like handcuffs, ropes, chains,
gags, saran wrap, chastity belts - anything that
restricts your actions whether physically or mentally.
( Caveat )
Dominance & Submission
![Example](images/dominance.jpg)
Pirates, serving maids, helpless slaves, strict
school teachers - any situation where one party is
controlling another.
( Caveat )
Sadism & Masochism
![Example](images/sadism.jpg)
Spanking, flogging, caning, whipping, cropping,
nipple play, hot wax, cold ice, piercing, branding,
cutting - anything that rouses endorphins.
( Caveat )
So BDSM doesn't cover fisting?
Stop dozing, there at the back. Anyone found not
paying due attention may be dealt with severely.
That is the literal definition of BDSM. However, what
goes on in the BDSM scene is in fact far broader than that.
BDSM can be sensual, sexual, artistic, humerous, healing,
magical and magickal. Exactly how it feels will depend
on the club, your partner and the tradition you are in.
In particular, BDSM has close ties with
- fetishes (eg clothing, personal ornamentation)
- sex variations (eg group, solo, anal, water, public)
- sexuality variations (eg transvestism, polyamoury)
- mind play (eg fantasies, drugs, hypnosis)
and can, under certain circumstances, be used as a general
term to include all of these.
Caveats
Where possible I try to check out the clubs I give
information about, and include reviews people send me.
I give no guarantees, however, so remember to be
Most of the time you can just use your common sense.
There are a few activities though, such as suspension,
tight bondage, gags and breath play where there are
specific pit falls you should watch out for. Find
an information source you can trust, and watch out
for warning signs when playing.
The same goes for S&M, where you need to be careful
about electricity play, and how hard some parts of
the body can be hit without doing serious damage.
Whether there is such a thing as 'true' slave relationships
is an ongoing debate. The consensus is however, that
whether you are doing a once off scene or are in a
permanent lifestyle master and slave relationship, it
is important that the submissive gets some of what they
need. Learn to negotiate out of scene; and, when in scene,
spot the signs a relationship is becoming abusive.
S&M is different from criminal violence (whatever the
opinions of our learned law lords). The most visible
difference is consent. Because doing things like
roleplaying terrified victims messes up the dictum
"NO means NO", players often find it useful to specify
a particular safeword that will always mean 'stop the
scene'. Common safewords are 'Red' and 'Uncle'.
Further Information
For further information, check out the
Alt.Sex.Bondage FAQ
Pallando
the Alchemist